Being a fellow depression sufferer, I guess I'm not sure darkness even covers the terrible places we go sometimes. I admire you for hanging in there and reachng out to this valuable resource. Such a range and variety of people on this forum, but with so much in common it's nearly impossible to feel like a stanger. I get the apparent conradiction between entering your personal story in cyberspace and dealing in the "real" world. I've found that the former usually contibutes to a better day!
You mentioned searching for 'something to hold on to'... Has there recently been a loss in your life? Speaking for myself, when that paralizing darkness is threatening to descend, I try to force myself to get invloved doing something, anything, that gave me a measure of joy before the shadows began to fall. At least for part the time, I'm able to get lost in other thoughts and activity. Very difficult sometimes to make that first move. You can feel like a cement block. When I am able to succeed, the shadows retreat out of sight...at least for awhile. I need to learn to do this more often, but as you realize all to well, this can be a rough struggle.
I don't recall if you've tried any SSRI's or other meds or individual counseling. They can really help. Especially when used together.
Well, dark, I'll pray your day is much brighter, and that just downstream, you find a calm, quiet and very peaceful inlet where you can dock the boat for a bit.
Post Edited (karmacrunch) : 7/22/2008 5:22:22 AM (GMT-6)