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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/24/2008 1:55 PM (GMT -6)   
After my visit to the doctors I realise now that the guilt is totally self instigated and irrational, that's great because now I can see my problems with Mum with a clearer eye. However I've noticed I've been getting intensely angry with her, I feel she's being really selfish locking herself away all the time and not wanting to talk to us. The guilt stopped me from feeling like this, blaming myself was easier I guess. But now I look at her and I get annoyed with her bad mood, I feel really unsympathetic, why is this? I do understand that when you're unhappy it's hard to put a smile on your face and when you do its fake but it's been too long and I want Mum to be happy again. Any suggestions as to what I can do to make her happy? I've tried doing stuff for her so that when she gets back from work it's a pleasant surprise for to see it done. But that's a sort of temporary happiness. I want to get help for her, get her to see a doctor but I don't think she will, she's too stubborn. I hate being dragged into this...
Any thoughts will be appreciated,

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42608
   Posted 7/24/2008 3:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Rabbit,

I know how much you want to help your mom. I think it is awful nice of you to go to the extra measure to make things pleasant for her. And I can see how it would be frustrating watching her being down all of the time. Maybe you could push her to start getting out a little every now and then. Take her out to lunch one day or something like that. Do you think that she would go for that?

I know how much you want to help her and it has to so frustrating to realize that all she needs is a little help and she doesn't want it. Does she realize that she is depressed?

There is only so much that you can do in a situation like this. Though I know that you want to help her so badly. If you could get her to do little things for herself she might feel better. Sometimes we are so use to feeling bad that we don't realize we do until we have something to compare it to. So trry to get her to do little nice things for herself. That would give her a feeling of accomplishment too.

I truly understand how hard this is for you. It isn't easy to watch the ones we love deal with depression. But remember you have to take care of you first. If you don't, you will start to get stressed and that just causes our depression to get worse. So please look after yourself first and foremost.

I hope that this helped some.
best wishes to you,
Hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 7/24/2008 10:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Rabbit,

Oddly enough, I feel like I'm in the same situation. I'm not completely sure that I understand the issue at hand here, but it sounds like your mother is depressed? I try so hard to fight to understand my mom, because I know she's depressed, but after a while I just feel so hopeless and I give up because I don't see the point if things are never gonna get better.

One important thing to remember there is always hope. Your mother might be going through some life transitions or just struggling with something she feels she doesn't want to be open about.

I also totally understand how hard it is to put a smile on your face sometimes. The only thing I can say is that your mother needs to help herself before anyone else can. When you're in a rut, or depressed, only you can take that first step to healing.

Encourage her to see a counselor. Remind her that you love her and just want to see her happy because no one should live feeling so down all the time or angry.

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