Posted 7/29/2008 4:49 AM (GMT -6)
My grandfather passed away a few weeks ago. I never liked the man, he was a racist and did not have a lot of respect for women. But, I miss him.
I also just had my birthday, I'm now 34 years old. My boyfriend and I had been doing really well, but lately it feels strained. He made reservations at a great restaurant and we had a lovely meal. But, I can't stop comparing what he got his two year niece, a $250 emerald necklace, to what I got, a bunch of flowers thrown together at the last minute. (He was 30 minutes late.) I'm not typically a greedy or selfish person, but I think deep down inside I may have been hoping for a ring. But, we haven't even been together that long, it's only been 5 1/2 months or so. We've talked about our future together, but he doesn't seem to actually want to make any plans. I want to have kids before it's too late and he doesn't seem that concerned. He says he wants them, but if it doesn't happen it's not that big of a deal to him. Where I really want them. But, I'm not sure it it's because I really want them or because I've internalized my mom's strong desire to be a grandmother.
Plus, his sister-in-law is in the process of donating her eggs to her twin sister, so she can have a baby. Which has us divided. I think it's great that she's giving so selflessly of herself, whereas my boyfriend and her husband are completely against it, since it's unnatural. In their mom's words, "there's a reason why they can't have a baby and they shouldn't."
I have an appointment with my therapist Thursday morning, so I can unload some of this stuff, it's just been a few hard weeks.
Thanks for listening.