I really think you need professional help with this one. Do you see a psychiatrist / Psychologist / Councillor? If not I will list some help-line numbers for you so that you can talk to someone. Assuming you are in the US, you can always present at the ER and get seen (Apparently... I'm sure Iv'e heard you can do that!). We will help and support you as much as we can as well. Depression doesnt have to be for life. There are hundereds of thousands of people accross the globe who have suffered depression and come out the other side. Depression isnt like a dog... Depression is for Christmas, not for life! lol
US --> 0800 784 2433 (National Suicide Helpline)
UK --> 08457 90 90 90 (Samaritans)
ROI --> 1850 60 90 90
SA --> 0800 567 567
If I havnt listed your country, please tell me and I will find a number for you. Talking is the best medicine there is.