I need some help...

Hi Josh, my name is Ashley.  I read your post and it makes me sad, and I even cried for you.  I know how you feel, about losing the first person that you ever thought you truly loved.  I am with the this man who is 15 years older than me.  I am 23 and pregnant with his baby.  He is the most generous man I have ever met.  I was diagnosed with bipolar mixed mania, this past April.  I was a cocaine/crack addict for the first 3 months of my pregnancy, with a past drug history also.  I had been on cocaine before then, for about two years or so, went from shooting it up, to snorting it, to smoking it.  I lost 20lbs in a month and looked horrible.  I went to rehab in april because at the time I was 3 months along, and was stealing money and checks from my fiance and forging his name.  After the second check got stolen, he called and reported it to the cops. I was not there when he did this, I was out getting high.That night my car got stolen due to my stupidity.  The way I see it, is that I was out doing these things because I was so messed up about being pregnant with my first child, and felt so alone, and the pressure to be all these things at once, just got to me.  I felt as if I didn't have anyone.  mt fiance has previous drug addiction back when he was 21, and I don't think that he knew how to approach me about the drugs, other than to kick me out of his house (which happened two or three times).  He was hurt and mad at the same time. Just as you were on your birthday.  I had to go to this lockdown facility to get the point across, that I couldn't do this to myself and that I could enjoy life, and have confidence in myself.  I met lots of others like me, who had addictions, or were suffering from mental disorders. I still to this day see a pyschiatrist, and a therapist.  I also take medication for my bipolar and my depression.  I know that you think that you may not need the medication but it really helps.  As soon as I was in rehab for about 4 days I started to notice the difference in the way I felt.  Due to the medicine and the doctors, and the other ppl like me.  I will regret what i did to my child and to the man that loves me more than life itself, for the rest of my life but I learned from it all.  I promise that things will get better just keep your head up.  You can do it!!!