Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum. First of all you posted your Dr. dx you as "mixed state".
Do you have any idea what he felt was wrong with you as far as depression?
I am going to try to answer you according to what I felt you were saying in your post. You appear to be all over the board and I believe that you may benefit greatly if you concentrate on getting your mental health back on track before you go off flying into the sky.
It feels to me like someone should have helped you when you had your breakdown on your birthday as you were violent and also when you were sick and throwing yourself against the wall. I would find a good psychiatrist and even look at inpatient treatment until you have the right medications on board and undergone some intense therapy.
We are not healthcare professionals. Our forum is a support forum and we are happy that you have come here, put down your feelings and you have shaed your story with us. That was very brave of you to trust us.
Please seek out another Doctor and do not give up until your life is back on a more even keel.