I need some help...

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Post Edited (Badger47) : 4/2/2012 1:25:56 PM (GMT-6)

I don't have any advice because I'm in a pretty bad place myself. You'll find others on this board who are alot more helpful than me.

But I wanted to say how well you expressed yourself here. I'm sorry that things have been so difficult and I hope that things turn out well for you.

Hello Josh,

Welcome to healing well. I am so happy that you felt comfortable enough to open up here on the forum.

Wow...So, first of all. I hope that you are still going through therapy. You need to let a professional know how you are feeling. Though I have faith that you aren't going to harm yourself now. I still think you need somebody like that to talk to. But remember that we are still here for you.

You have to learn not to depend on other people for your own self esteme. You need to be able to love yourself and be able to be happy with yourself on your own.

Have you given up school? What about working, have you found anything yet? It seems as if you are laying in waiting for what your gf is going to decide when you should be deciding your own destiny. I am really serious. You have to be happy for you. You are a wonderful person and deserve to have a life on your own. You are cheating yourself out of that for somebody who sounds like she wants to only be friends now. You can still be friends, and if you really love her, you want her to be happy no matter whether she is with you or not. So step back and see this for what it is.

Josh, I don't want to hurt you, I just want you to realize how I see this situation. You have to get your emotions under control. You can't go around breaking things and hitting people. I hope that it was just the medication that did that to you and that you wont do this again. You may need some anger management. And need to control your emotions. You sound like a bright young man and it sounds like you have put your life on hold for somebody else and you may end up resenting that. So please get working on getting your life back together, with or without her. You deserve that much.

Please keep posting,
hugs, Karen

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  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

Josh,

This could be one of many experiences for you with women. Don't be suprised if down the road you look back at it as a good experience between two people and not just as something that you both vested time and energy in. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but eventually it could. It isn't all or nothing, it is more like give and take on both sides.

I have the feeling that she has gotten a little scared at the moment. She is maybe worried about more episodes like you had before. But if she just wants to be friends and you want to forget about her, that might be the best thing to do. But move on, do something for yourself in the lines of work or school. You have to keep trying to improve your situation.

I wish for you the best.

hugs, Karen...

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  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

I am happy to hear this. I hope though that either way it goes that you will be able to fly. It sounds like your true passion and I am sure that one of those jobs will be calling you soon. If not, start bugging them. That is what they want you to do. That lets them know that you are interested.

I think having an idle mind right now due to not having a job is causing you to think too much. I hope you hear something soon. Be optimistic. I know that this will work out for the best.

Best wishes to you,
hugs, Karen

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  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

Dear Josh,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  First of all you posted your Dr. dx you as "mixed state". 

Do you have any idea what he felt was wrong with you as far as depression?

I am going to try to answer you according to what I felt you were saying in your post.  You appear to be all over the board and I believe that you may benefit greatly if you concentrate on getting your mental health back on track before you go off flying into the sky. 

It feels to me like someone should have helped you when you had your breakdown on your birthday as you were violent and also when you were sick and throwing yourself against the wall. I would find a good psychiatrist and even look at inpatient treatment until you have the right medications on board and undergone some intense therapy.

We are not healthcare professionals. Our forum is a support forum and we are happy that you have come here,  put down your feelings and you have shaed your story with us. That was very brave of you to trust us.

Please seek out another Doctor and do not give up until your life is back on a more even keel.

Respectfully

Kitt

 

Hi Josh, my name is Ashley.  I read your post and it makes me sad, and I even cried for you.  I know how you feel, about losing the first person that you ever thought you truly loved.  I am with the this man who is 15 years older than me.  I am 23 and pregnant with his baby.  He is the most generous man I have ever met.  I was diagnosed with bipolar mixed mania, this past April.  I was a cocaine/crack addict for the first 3 months of my pregnancy, with a past drug history also.  I had been on cocaine before then, for about two years or so, went from shooting it up, to snorting it, to smoking it.  I lost 20lbs in a month and looked horrible.  I went to rehab in april because at the time I was 3 months along, and was stealing money and checks from my fiance and forging his name.  After the second check got stolen, he called and reported it to the cops. I was not there when he did this, I was out getting high.That night my car got stolen due to my stupidity.  The way I see it, is that I was out doing these things because I was so messed up about being pregnant with my first child, and felt so alone, and the pressure to be all these things at once, just got to me.  I felt as if I didn't have anyone.  mt fiance has previous drug addiction back when he was 21, and I don't think that he knew how to approach me about the drugs, other than to kick me out of his house (which happened two or three times).  He was hurt and mad at the same time. Just as you were on your birthday.  I had to go to this lockdown facility to get the point across, that I couldn't do this to myself and that I could enjoy life, and have confidence in myself.  I met lots of others like me, who had addictions, or were suffering from mental disorders. I still to this day see a pyschiatrist, and a therapist.  I also take medication for my bipolar and my depression.  I know that you think that you may not need the medication but it really helps.  As soon as I was in rehab for about 4 days I started to notice the difference in the way I felt.  Due to the medicine and the doctors, and the other ppl like me.  I will regret what i did to my child and to the man that loves me more than life itself, for the rest of my life but I learned from it all.  I promise that things will get better just keep your head up.  You can do it!!!

Josh,

Newmommy gave you some great advice and lots of food for thought.  Keep talking to us...........it really does help to stay connected to a peer group.

Take care
Kitt