I've been on here before as i'm the ex-partner of my soul mate who suffers from Bp, you won't recognise my log-on though as I used to go on the Bipolar Forum. I've not used the site for sometime as I wanted her to have privacy and be able to turn to others who had been in her shoes and that could speak from experience. Anyway i'm back because she says I need to find help and suggested I came on here the depression page now that she is'nt using the site at all. She ended our relationship yesterday saying she does'nt remember how it feels to love or be in a relationship.
I feel so stupid coming on here, I feel like someone walking into a hospital ward full of patients suffering from cancer and all I've got wrong is a stomach ache or something. I have the upmost respect and understanding for a suffer of Bp, the daily battle and the longing for normality. Please don't be angry with me for this post I don't have anywhere else to turn and i'm so scared.
The only friend I have in this world is my ex and I can see the pain in her eyes at the moment, I don't want to let her down anymore by holding her back from where she belongs. I'm not worthy of her friendship I would rather hurt myself than for her to see what's left of me.
I don't even know what to write. I failed at supporting her as a partner, I want to be the best man I can for her now; she wants a friendship but i'll mess that up too. I just need a friend but I can't turn to my best friend anymore because I can't let her see me not being strong.
I just wish it was me with Bp and not my dream come true.
I hurt everyone I love.
Why her, why did'nt I try harder, how did she forget what it felt like to be loved.
My hearts with her, I wish for her sake I did'nt love her.
I want to run and hide but I want to know she will be safe, I want her to be proud of me, I miss my best friend, I miss LOVE
I can't do this