kids--why are people mean

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how to stop the pain
Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 8/10/2008 8:02 AM (GMT -6)   
first off Ireally do think my sonis ok and happy and what i amabout doesn't bother him but it is killing me. 2 nights ago we were at the fair and went off for a while with a group of friends  last night he saw the two but they wee with others and didn't want to go because he said the other 2 hate him. 
Part of me is proud of me is proud because I know he won't do things to fit in --so they may not like hime because talking trash or curshing he won't be around.  BUt that someone doesn't likehim as a mom has me so upset.  I am glad that he still wants to hang with us. 
On a positive note my daughter go to go with friends last night soshe was happy.  The toddler years were so easy ..I don't know if I will be able to handle all the drama of 3 kids going through the pre-teen and teen years.  The stuff that use to goon in high schol  starts in 4 grade.  
We have tried to teach our kids to not worry about what others think and od what right.   We have also said that usually the cool kids are mean and not treating people the way GOD wants so you don't want tobe part of them and like my girl told me some told her to grow up and stop playijg so much and being goofy.  SHe is 10.   What funis it to lay around getting a tan and tlaking the entire day instead of playing in the pool  It seem KIDS cant be KIDS anymore.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 8/10/2008 1:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Being a parent is really hard even when you know that you have done an excellent job yourself.  Being a parent myself of three children of 7,16,21 I know what it is like to go through this.  The bad part is that there is nothing you can do to prevent the peer pressure that our kids go through, just try to reinforce to your own that not all people are bad and judgemental, only that people that behave that way do it because that is their way not something you do to make them like that.
I have always found that just being open with the kids when they are going through times like this, make them see that you are an honest non-biased person that DOES TRULY sees the best in people, even when you dont.  The beautiful thing with children is they grow up and discover that your words were golden and they respect you even though deep in your heart you wanted to tear someone's heart out for hurting your child with a certain behavior.
I hope this helps as being a LSW, plus hands-on experience-I think I have a pretty accurate take, lol.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42499
   Posted 8/10/2008 1:21 PM (GMT -6)   
They sure do grow up too fast these days. I am glad that your kids don't follow the croud so to speak. It is so hard, you want to shelter them, but they need to grow up.

Continue teaching them values. That is so important. Not to be mean to others and try to be helpful.

I am sorry that the other kids didn't want to hang with your son, but he is probably better off that way. Peer pressure is hard when you are young and it is hard to say what they would have gotten him into. Teach him that not all people like us, just like we don't like all people. But that doesn't matter really, he sounds like a really nice boy and that is what counts. Life is full of these things and unfortunatley he is learning early. But this will give him a better understanding down the road. You are doing a fantastic job raising your children and that is what counts. I went through a lot of things like this when I was little, and it did hurt. I carried the scars for years, but as I got older I realized that it didn't really matter, it only matters what I do.

Best wishes for a wonderful day,

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/10/2008 11:11 PM (GMT -6)   

Good Evening,

Kids are cruel to each other.  I see it now and I remember it from when I was a "kid". I believe the explanation that kids are cruel because they are children and are not yet socialized.
Children learn from their parents. The parents are setting the role model example for their kids.

Children can be such cruel  little creatures because they also don't have any sense of self-worth yet. So they try to gain it by tearing down or controlling everyone around them. They can also become parts of cliques for the security and confidence that being in a group gives. The friction at these groups' boundaries tear outsiders down while protecting the group's members. This gives an impression of superiority and feeds the members' needs for self-worth.

I am referring to elementary, junior high and yes even high school kids can be cruel IMHO.
If they never develop good self esteem about themselves they can grow up to be cruel adults.
I have read some great comments by the members who have already posted.
Great question.  It is very hard to watch your child in pain because someone has been cruel to them .
Take care

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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