I am sorry that I had to edit your post how to, but it was on the vurge of sounding suicidal. Here are some resources for you:
National Suicide Hotline
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.
Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
I hope that this helps. I really think that you need to talk to the doctor and get counseling and tell them how you are feeling. IN the meantime we are here for you, but please seek help.
Luv and hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies