Thanks for the welcome Kitt. Depression is so lonely. I remember being lonely as a child but I am an only child so I had imaginary friends. My mom thought I was nuts and talked to my doctor who said I was very creative.
At 14 I had my first panic attack and by 19 I was completely housebound (agoraphobic) for five years. I took Xanax for years but that stopped working. I fell in love, had the best therapist and got out of the house. Curiously, the "doctors" didn't think I should get off the meds "yet". I started working and that was 15 years ago. While I've had 4 different jobs each has been a move up.
I have friends but no one I feel close enough to talk about this. At my job, I have been honest about my anxiety and depression and there is one employee who will actually make fun of me. If someone says something about being crazy or going to the looney bin, this employee will say, "Well Elle knows what that's all about". That's like saying to an overweight person, "Boy, how'd you get so fat?"
I just want to feel relaxed and happy. How do I do that? I feel like I'm being pulled in a zillion directions.