Wow you sound just like me. I get the same thoughts all the time, how I wish I could just suppress my appetite so I didn't have to eat. I had a problem with anorexia in high school and it was also coupled with a complete fear of eating because of my ulcerative colitis- it was so painful to have food in my system that I literally became afraid of it. Nowadays, I eat like I should but every time I step on a scale, even though I'm at the almost "ideal" weight for someone my height, I cringe and get this sinking feeling and wish I was just 5 or 10 pounds lighter. I think I might have actually developed hypoglycemia though because I used to be able to go forever without eating but now if I don't I get really weak, shakey and nauseous. Hmm.
Anyhow. I have been on Lexapro for a year now and it has helped me so much. I still get bad thoughts but I have control over them, and I just feel better about
myself and more confident. I know I should have gone to counseling and probably still should but I'm just too afraid. I never even post here because I always worry I'm being whiney or something.. I can't tell you how many times I've written a whole post just to delete it.
One piece of advice... If you do seek eating disorder support on places like yahoo or anything like that, be very careful because there are a LOT of pro-ED sites out there, and it can be possibly triggering. Good luck!
Female, 23, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) diagnosed at age 15; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in femur head & lumbar spine from long term prednisone use.
Trying out Lialda, 2 pills/day