I haven't checked in here for a while; I've been insanely busy. So here's a little update:
I talked to my psychologist, and we decided to change my anit-depressants and add a sleeping pill. I'm now taking Bupropion(150mg in the morning, and 75 in the afternoon), and Trazodone(50mg at night)-for sleep. I've been on them for a little over a week now, and I'm already noticing little changes. I'm not shoving food down my throat all the time anymore. In fact, I think it's gone a little too far in the opposite direction. Yesterday, I didn't eat anything for 21 hours; 9pm the night before, to 6pm on Thursday. I have diabetes too, so that's really not a good thing at all. I knew that I hadn't eaten, but whenever I thought about
food, I didn't think about
eating it at all. It was just an object, like a CD or a figurine, you'd never think about
Then today at dance, I wasn't wearing my normal ballet shoes-I had little half shoe footie things- and I was just finishing a combo from corner to corner, and apparently there was a rock on the dance floor. Inevitably, I stepped on it, and now the joint on the underside of my big toe is all purple. I have 6 hours of dance tomorrow, 2 and half of them are en pointe. So I'm kind of stressing about
dance tomorrow; it's gonna be near impossible to do most of class if I can't even walk striaght.
My sleeping pills don't really seem to be doing anything for me though. about
a week ago, I fell asleep at 7:30am. And I still can't fall asleep before 2am on any given day, so there's another major stress factor. I also started a new job about
2 weeks ago; I'm a prep cook at an Inn/restaraunt. So far, that's gone amazingly well, and I'm enjoying it immensly.
Nutcracker rehearsal started a little while ago. This's always the craziest time of the year, and with all of our oldest dancers graduating this year, (<-me inclueded), everyone's going insane and demanding that they get the best parts- even if they in no way are ready for them or deserve them at all. I told Kimmy that I wanted to back out a little bit this year, that I honestly didn't want to do any principal parts this year. It'll be better for me this way, because I can concentrate on all the normal dances and get them completely perfected, and I won't be stressing out about
being Snow Queen or Sugar Plum Fairy. It's just hard to remain sane with everyone around you making you want to duct tape their mouths shut for the next year.
Ok, it's late over here and I have to get up early to get ready for dance in the morning. Thanks for letting me rant, yet again. Loves to you all~Blue
To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all the miseries of life.
Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.