I kinda just need to vent for a moment, so I hope nobody minds too much.
You ever have those times when you're just sorta sitting around, nothing much is going on, and all the sudden you feel like a pile of crap on toast? It's always at night that the negative feelings are at their worst. Like tonight, nothing bad happened at all; I was watching the Olympics, then I went to my room to read, and all of the sudden, the bad feelings came roaring back at me. I feel inadequate, sorta numb, miserable, my self-confidence/image is basicly non-existant. And it just comes at me from the middle of nowhere. I was having a perfectly boring, normal, and enjoyable evening, then bam! My head decides that it wants to go crazy on me. It shakes me to my core. I don't want to do anything. I don't really see any reason for getting out of bed most days, but of course, I still have to. I've been taking Cytalopram for a few months now, and it was working great in the beginning. I wasn't overeating like I usually did, I was feeling like I could actually do more things again, I had more energy, more confidence, I was sleeping better... But it's all seeming to go away again. I'm still taking the pills, but I'm not getting any of the effects anymore. It just weighs down on me all the time, and I'm trying to do everything I can, but it's not working. I'm seeing a phychologist, I'm taking my prescriptions...
I don't think I can write anymore right now. It greatly annoys me when I use the word "I" too many times in one sitting. I don't like making everything seem like it's all about me, or reading all the whining I write down... It's always nice just to get some of these things out every once in a while though. Even if they don't make too much sense when it's actually written down. I don't really re-read these, it just goes on here straight from my brain... I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore, gah... Anywhos, I'mma get going.
Thanks for letting me rant a bit,
To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all the miseries of life.