It sounds like things are hard for you right now!
I think the reason for standing - is because you have come so far - there is no point in turning back now, in undoing all the good work that you have done! it's better to stand still than to go back!
I think you have shown your strength over and over, be proud of that acheivement and keep on going!
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"