Hello Goodkarma and Welcome to HealingWell, I am Kitt.
I am so sorry you are going through this painful time and you have my support. I feel you are grieving for the loss of your relationship. Also the pain is tearing you apart.
Grief is a normal and healthy response to loss, not an illness. Its symptoms are painful, but they serve an adaptive purpose. Most grief runs its course with the support of your friends/family. But sometimes grief can trigger depression .
When grief triggers depression, the sadness can be unrelenting and overwhelming. Some people describe it as “living in a black hole” or having a feeling of impending doom. Even when participating in activities you used to enjoy, you feel as if you are just “going through the motions.” You may also feel numb, lifeless and empty.
I would like to encourage you to consider counseling to help you through this painful time. One on one counseling can help you understand your feelings as well as teach you skills to cope with your pain.
You will make it through but you should give yourself time, lots of time as each person grieves in their own way. All those feelings keep spinning around in your head. Please do see your PCP and be honest and upfront about your feelings of loss and depression.