i have been with my partner for eight years we have twin boys together and are due to get married next year with all booked. unfortunatly he has become increasingly depressed , not eating or sleeping does not want to do or go anywhere with the family and has started drinking heavily and being verably abussive towards me. i love him so much and have shouted cried talked listened begged pushed and threatened to leave but i seem to be getting no where. he says he doesnt need help and that only the weak get help but after a spell of drinking he cries non stop for two days pleading for help. he went to counciling once when he came out he thought he was cured and wouldnt go back. this has become so frustrating, its taking everything ive got just to deal with his mood swings. i have told him what its doing to me and our boys and that i am at risk of becoming depressed to. he has no friends as they say they have had enough of his ways and his family are starting to go like that but his mum is very good but it is me who is there when times get really bad and as much as i love him and know he hates being like this i dont think i can take it much more. with our wedding coming up i dont know whether to cancel it or keep planning in the hope he will get better. he tells me he loves me and wants to get married and that it would make him so happy but then the next day he hates me and wants to leave. i really am at my wits end and dont know where to turn some please help me.
I agree with everyone.
From what I’ve seen, this is very common.
Trying to reach folks who are discouraged and despondent is frustrating and bewildering.
With someone who is apathetic and unmotivated, it’s hard to find grounds for inspiration and engagement.
I have experienced that with family members and friends, as well as with my wife.
Then, I read a really great book by Peter Breggin called, “The Heart of Being Helpful.”
In that book, Dr. Breggin describes approaches that appeal to the person we are trying to reach, on grounds that are interesting to them.
As irrational or out-of-touch those grounds may seem to us, sometimes it is our only starting point.
We engage them on their dim and narrow grounds, nurturing their interests (however irrational) and cultivating their inspiration, and then very slowly drawing them into a wider realm of brighter strategies and encouraging alternatives.
It helps to have brighter strategies and encouraging alternatives ready and on hand when he is ready to consider them.
Therefore, part of Dr. Breggin’s counsel is develop our own repertoire as well.
You partner is very fortunate to have your support and efforts on his side.
Pray for help and guidance.