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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/26/2008 3:28 PM (GMT -6)   
I am new to the forum. I just recently got engaged to the man of my dreams. I am extremely happy about it and have been telling everyone I know, and starting wedding plans.
My fiance is having a really hard time with life right now. I don't know if he is depressed or not, but he isn't the happy man I fell in love with. He hasn't even told all of his family that he's engaged.
He reassures me that he is extremely happy with me and with us and that I am the only thing that matters in his life. I believe him! He is just not handling anything else well at all.
In the past few months, he has really been freaking out. He has been pretty paranoid. He thinks that someone is out to get him. I guess he had an incident with an ex-girlfriend a few years ago where she ended up trying to take him to court for something he didn't do, just because he didn't want to be with her anymore.
He thinks she is still out to get him. This summer he has been really paranoid. He lost his keys and refuses to believe that he lost them (even though he found them months later) - he is sure that someone stole them and is trying to mess with him. Anytime anything happens - even the slightest thing - he attributes it to someone being after him. Even ridiculous things! The a/c in our apartment sucks, and he is sure that the maintenance guys are in on it.
He interprets anything anybody says as a reflection on him and his character - including professors, fellow students, etc.
I don't know how to deal with this paranoia. I want to be there for him. He confides in me and he tells me everything that is on his mind, it's just that it seems so ridiculous that I can't just sit there and agree with everything he says. I tell him that I highly doubt that someone has that much time on their hands to go around and mess with him like that, but he won't listen.
I don't know how I should react. Should I be supportive and agree with him? Should I keep telling him my opinion? Should I get him to see a therapist?
He thinks he might have Asperger's Syndrome or just be depressed.
He got hurt by a girl he really loved about 5 or 6 years ago. Could this be repercussions from that?
I'm hurt that we can't be happy during this engagement and I'm starting to resent him for it. I know he is just trying to become a better person - he quit drinking, and any other bad habits - but he is getting so caught up in it, that it's starting to affect us and that's the last thing I want.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/26/2008 5:17 PM (GMT -6)   

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.

I am so sorry your engagement is not turning out to be what you had hoped for.

IMHO your fiancee is in need of medical attention and therapy of some sort.  I would try to remain calm but talk with him reassuring him you believe in him but feel he needs professional help.  Start with a good physical by his PCP to rule out any medical condition that may be causing his sx.

You may want to consider therapy for yourself as you must take care of you and planning a marriage should be a happy time.

I am sure you will get lots of advice from the other members.

AGain welcome.

Gentle Hugs


Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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