Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression forum.
I do understand your problem as I had someone I chatted with frequently and it went way to far. I was addicted to talking to this person. It took me away from my worries and cares and I could pretend I was someone special to this person.
When this person wanted to meet, I knew things had gone way to far and I was dancing with danger.............stranger danger as well as realizing that I had become addicted to chatting. So I told this person good bye and have a good life. All the person said was, it was fun while it lasted. Just a game to play to the other person and in reality it was for me too.
Dependency on any substance often causes mood-altering side effects when the addicted user is separated from the substance on which he or she depends. I felt like I wanted to change my mind but I forced myself to erase all info on this person so that I could not retrieve it..............
Coming here to HealinWell was much more suited to me, it gives me a chance to meet people and to help many. I don't have to depend on one person showing up to chat with and I feel I am surround by the love and support of the membership.
I hope you can find this kind of peace but you will need time to get to a point where you can let go completely of the chat line as you were dependeent on it for your daily fix and a boost to your self esteem. You are grieving the loss of the connection you thought you had with this man.
Letting go is one of the hardest things we have to do in life.
Bless you and keep posting.