I just woke up this morning and decided to see what I could find online to help, it is a truly horrible week and I am just needing some words of comfort, reassurance that it will get better.
So here is my story and hopefully I will connect with happy people and words to cheer me and perhaps there is someone out there with a very similar story with whom I can correspond.
I am a very positive person and always smiling and happy, people comment on my happiness all of the time - but sometimes it just does seem as though you are being clobbered over and over in a short period of time and then it is hard to remember the sunshine moments.
Long Very Long story short, I was married 22 years when my husband and first boyfriend completely and unexpectedly ended our marriage the morning after our only child graduated from high school - he said he had been waiting ten years for a divorce. I was beyond shocked, but looking back (hindsight is so perceptive) we never did anything together as a couple. I thought we had a good marriage because even though we never talked, we did have a frequent physical side, so that was not an issue. I cooked for him and loved him and thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. In hindsight I also realized he was a depressed unhappy person and I was a cheery person and was always trying to "love" the unhappiness and dissatisfaction out of him. It was draining to me.
So I coped with the end of my marriage and learned to enjoy the beauty of life, the rain on my face, the hike in the mountains and it was all wonderful. I started dating. I went to an online site. It was very therapeutic - in just three short months I had 5,000 hits!!
Something terrific happened: I met someone wonderful online I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Then I was hit with terrible diagnosis of illness (but not a death sentance) and I am coping with that just fine I think.
My boyfriend lives six hours away and I am working hard to organize my life to join him.
But I am not divorced, that seems so overwhelming, how to protect myself but I don't want to be too stingy/greedy to my husband. I also need his medical coverage.
I had returned to college and am continuing with that.
To make ends meet, I have now begun to rent out rooms in my house in the country. I just moved several people in last week for the first time. They are both very interesting.
This week - many ugly things - I do miss my boyfriend so much as we can only see each other a couple times a month.
I had bought a new camera for my job and it was stolen Saturday. I just discovered the theft yesterday.
I had just bought my first new laptop and took it straight to a computer guru shop to rig it up so I wouldn't have any problems with it and just turned it on for the first time this morning and it is a blank screen, so I hit system restore and it removed all of the work the guru did for me.
In the meantime I am also working to sell everything I own. I discovered I was a hoarder all these years - not rotten shoes and broken windows, but thousands and thousands of vintage items, I love vintage and picked it up nickle and dime at garage sales for my entire life.
I realized after my marriage ended, of course, that I had been intensely lonely and sought to relieve that loneliness by shopping at garage sales and vintage stores for tiny old things that made me happy. Of course that made the ex furious. But my house main rooms are very adorable and clean and decorated so wonderfully with my fun finds - people always exclaim when they see my house and obviously the renters wouldn't move into a horrible house.
Yet Now I have barn after barn after house after attic after under-the-porch FILLED to the brim with wonderful stuff, not junk. I could fill a store. I tried to open a boutique booth in town last summer and guess what? It was all stolen. It really is almost funny.
So this morning in the early a.m. with my sweet boyfriend who lives so very far away unable to hold me...I am lonely and hurting and telling myself all the wonderful things I have going for me...but sometimes it is so hard to kick back against the hurts that come our way, so I am looking for some good people out there to tell me it is all workable.
Today I will call the sheriff's office and report the theft, call insurance and get a claim going (my work on the camera is lost however) and then I will take the computer back into the computer store and I know it can be fixed.
But tonight again I will sleep alone. And there is so much more I could tell - about how my sweet father was murdered four years ago, and how scared I am about being able to fully support myself.
Thank you for your time