Hi All I'm new to this forum, my name is Julie and I'm 52 yrs old. I'm married to a Scotsman and live in Scotland I, however am American, I've been here in Scotland about 20 yrs. now. I have 4 grown children who reside in America and a 13 year old daughter with my present husband, we've been married 16 yrs.
I'm looking for support really, my husband basically is depressed and is suffering a lot of pain with his Fibromyalgia he's been diagnosis with. He would tell you his depression is caused by his FMS but that's not strictly true, he has had many mental health issues for a number of years, well before his FMS. He's been to at least 3 different psychiatrists but says they don't understand him and inevitably with his poor attitude they end up letting him go, when I call them they basically say they need to know that he will make an effort to try certain treatments and threapy but he doesn't want to. I understand depression big time as it runs in my family as well, my mother is bi-polar as well as a few of my brothers. But my husband illness is driving me around the bend, he's tried many different medications for his depression but he always ends up giving them up as he says he hates the side effects and doesn't want them, full stop. Our GP who I get on with very well is basically at his wits end has there just is nothing more he can do for him. My husband has been refered out to at least 10 different specialists for illnesses he's sure he has, everyone of them after extensive testing on him, claims all the tests are negative, he's even had an MRI to confirm he doesn't have any brain tumours.
I truly want to understand him but his actions are making me feel crazy, tonight for example he got mad at me because he wanted to "borrow" a few of my painkillers, I take these for my Rhumatism which is quite bad. I'm due to have my knees and then my hips replaced next year and I'm just 51, unfortunately this disease runs in my family, but I never let it get me down and push through my day with a positive attitude, I believe he wants the meds I'm on as they "numb" him to his depression, not his pain. I'm suppose to have help from my husband but he's just to busy worrying over his ill health. The thing is he self harms, not all the time, but for me even once is overwhelming. He won't go into our local mental Health hospital as he says he "isn't going to be tarred with that brush." Our daughter lives in constant fear of losing her dad as he constantly says things like he wants to die, he wishes he was dead and on and on. He knows how upseting this is for her but he just doesn't seem to care. He sits in the living room night after night listening to depressing sad music in the dark. He also has a big problem with anger and so my daughter and I during his angry moods walk on egg shells. The thing is my health mentally now is taking quite a beating has he keeps me awake till all hours to talk, or I wake up because he turns the music full blast in the living room or slams a door and so on. I just am at my wits end, any words of support or ideas would be most welcome, has anyone else experienced this and how does one cope.
I thank anyone in advance for their thoughts etc.
Take care all