Eugh, oh yes messy messy little head, al confuzzled.
Nurse tried too kill me today. I told her what I thought of religion after the hundreth time of her asking. She got upset. If she didn't want me too say something bad, then she shouldn't keep asking right? I only have a limit too how long I can be polite for.
Then, she came round with cloudy hepsal. Yes, cloudy- no reason, just she didn't realise. Thankgod one of us was awake then huh?
Then, she brought me paracetamol after 3 hours since last dose, and expected me too be good patient and just take it. There's huge raging dangers of a normal peatient taking paracetamol too early, how come she expected m, me who has a reaction to everything at normal doses, to be ok with this, I don't know.
So, then I thought back, and this is the same nurse who once tried too give me codeine because she got patients mixed up. Thankfully one of us was awake there too as I'm allergic to codeine, it makes me shakey at small doses.
So, I've bannished this nurse from my site, banned her from ever treating me ever again, put in a complaint against her. So, why do I still feel so messed up, so ready to just run away, so scared that the next person too mess up really will be my last.
I'm scared because this is the hospital Sami died in, these were the lovely people who were looking after her. What if the reason she was so ill, is exactly the reason I'm stressing right now. If she died because some nurse somewhere along the line got it wrong, and the damage slowely progressed and grew until the end.
I know I'm babbling, I know I'm probably thinking unrealistic, that things aren't as bad. But right now I can't get my head round it, I'm just so confused, and very full of tears. I can't cope with being reminded of Sami, in such a horrible way. Not even a month past the anniversary of her death. How dare anyone question my religious views, knowing full well what I'm having too get through. Then get upset because I've lost my faith and becaus eI'm wondering why they still even have theirs.
I'm sorry for putting ths here, but I need an outlet, and this really is the bst place right now. Being online distracts me from where I am and what's going on around me. I can't talk to any body about
this, in person, because I'm just getting so wound up and frustrated. The only time I'm not punching the stuffing out of a pilow, is when I can calm down,andslam the stuffing out of my keys instead. It's already working, I'll be too tired out soon. I'm already slowing down.
I hate geting this worked up, being forced into getting this worked up by such carelessness and absolute idiocy! I wish their was a way to just switch this off:(
7 days to go in this hell hole, that's all. I have 7 days left too survive this hospital, then I can go on holiday with Paul. Why does 7 days sounds so far away?:(
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Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild Liver Cirrohsis, Mild Osteopenia, Erythema Nodosum. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Serevent, Salbutamol, Paracetamol, Ondansetron, Nefopam, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Saline neb/PEP system, Mirtazapine,slow-sodium, Skandishake and Fresubin.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since Nov 05
Sometimes, I feel that I should go and play with the thunder-In The Shadows by The Rasmus