I was in your wife's position when I had met my college boyfriend during my junior year. He was a virgin and I wasn't. Worst yet, I had 5 partners before him. It was really hard for me to handle his insecurities because I just didn't know how to redo the past. It wasn't my fault. He would make me feel guilty about it. Part of me just wished he would go sleep with another woman just to get over the issue.
What he did was internalized it and fantasized about me having s/x with other men. It actually turned him on.
Each time you think obsessively about the circumstance, imagine what your life would be like without her. Would it be better? Would you be able to find a virgin now and would she be as good as your wife now? Is virginity really the issue?