Welcome to HealingWell. I am sorry for the edit of your post, we have members as young as 13 on our site as well as talk of suicide and self injury are not allowed.
I will say it does scare me that you are in so much pain. I am going to list the crisis numbers for you. Also do you see a therapist or physician for you depression. You need help and we are here to help but we cannot take the place of one on one therapy.
Crisis Help Line | For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357
Suicide & Depression Hotline | Covenant House 800-999-9999
Please do not be afraid to use these numbers or link if you need to talk to someone.
We can help you understand your depression but we are not professionals.