I started to feel uneasy and afraid in November of that year. I knew I was stressing at work but I had worked for the same Hospital for 26 years. One day in November I had a melt down in my office and one of my friends came to my office and then went and got my boss who drove me home. I was crying and just felt so afraid as I did not know what was happening. I was alway a A A personality and this was not me. It was one of the lowest days in my life, to have my boss drive me home and my husband come out and help me into the house.
I did take a couple of days off and then went back to work. I lived hour to hour and could not stop the tears. I cried on the way to work and then put on my magic mask and would have mini breakdowns in my office. I was just so afraid and sad at work.
I had seen my PCP several times and he finally said I needed to see the Pdoc and he walked me over to her office. Well we started on the road to finding a new med regime that would work. I made it through the holidays and into January without relief of the sadness and low self esteem. Finally I talked to my hubbie about taking early retirement and he said yes do quit work as he was ready to tear his hair out. Duh, no one mentioned my disability, they accepted my resignation and my head was such a mess I did not think of it. To late now.
My next adventure was starting therapy, it took me 2 tries to find the one I worked best with. After nine months I was beginning to feel stronger.
I wish someone would have talked to me about taking a job out of management so I could have continued to work or even work part time but I was just cut off from who I was so fast that I really felt I lost myself. I still feel that way at times but it is in the past now.
So it was nearly a year to the point I felt strong enough to get back in the swing but I never did get my old self back. I guess I was just a new person that had to start from scratch.
This site has become a haven for me. Everyone is so caring and wonderful.
I hope your husband has long term disability and that he can find a position he likes with low stress and he will enjoy going to work.
Bless you for caring enough to look into all options for him. My hubbie was wonderful but he was befuddled. He would get mad at the Doctors especially with the many med changes.
Keep talking to us.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depressionhttp://www.healingwell.com/donate *~* Not a mental health professional of any kindIt is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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