anyone with dystemia?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 10/7/2008 4:54 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm new to the forum and I've learned so much this past week about depression.  I just found out through our therapist that my husband suffers from dystemia.  Three years ago, he had an emotional affair with a girl at work and we started therapy.  Of course, most of the therapy was about working through the deception and on how to improve our marriage.  At the time, the therapist wrote down dystemia on our receipt every time we'd come (2 years) but never suggested that he get medication. 
Fast forward to 2008, he still has moments of happiness and sadness but gets progressively more distant and moves away sexually with me.  This past April, he says he's just not happy.  He starts therapy and sorts out his problems (sexual abuse at 13 by male co-worker).  I start working on my bad behaviors in the marriage and blaming myself.  By July, he says he still doesn't love himself so he we come up with a trial separation and he lives at a hotel while we continue single and couples therapy.  We've had dates on and off, worked on improving our communication, and he sees our girls a lot.  After Oct. 1, he was going to either move back in the house (he says he still loves me) or get a place and we would come up with a more formal trial separation in writing.  I started investigating depression and dystemia (read the book Depression Fallout) and now I get why this has been such a struggle.  He's a shadow of the person I met 24 years ago and it's not only affecting me, but our two beautiful daughters.  Now that I understand the illness, I'm not pushing for more marital therapy.  I simply want him to get well.  Here's my questions:
Is coming home the best environment for him to get well?  I think so, because he'll be surrounded by three people who love him dearly.  
Should we tell our daughters that this is just a trial to help their dad get better and see if we can get along?
Will there be a significant change in him once the right medication kicks in?
He's still in a little denial and refuses to acknowledge he's depressed.  He says he's just sad but he'll try the medication anyway.  Denial is pretty common isn't it?
Thanks!  Any of your thoughts or words of encouragement are welcome blush

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/7/2008 6:57 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello and Welcome to HealingWell.

This condition, dystemis is not an actual depression but a general prolonged (often life long) condition of being sad. With dystemia your "basic mood" is at a lower level compared with most other people's mood and everything can seem hard and often joyless.

I have not known anyone with this but I will try to address your concerns tomorrow.

Want to welcome you tonight.

Hugs and hand on.  We are here to help.



Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

UC since'76
Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 10/8/2008 11:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Are you talking about dysthymia?
Ulcerative Colitis since about 1976
Pan colitis since at least 1994
30 years with UC and never had a flare until MD gave massive dose of Magnesiun while hospitalized for bronchitis. I had no family doctor so they had just assigned me to the house doctor. Then was hospitalized a few days for moderate flare. No flares since. But now I have a family doctor.
No meds. 

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 79
   Posted 10/8/2008 12:28 PM (GMT -6)   
As you will see from my username,I was given this diagnosis at one time ,by one of the many psychiatrists I've seen over the decades.No-one is typical however----while it's true my mood never rises much towards the happiness end of the scale,I also suffer from regular serious episodes of suicidal depression,combined with extreme anxiety.My diagnosis now is "chronic depression;resistant to treatment".The line between mentally ill and mentally well is a very long continuum,and one diagnosis doesn't fit everybody.I also have` OCD to throw into the mix.
Drs like to be able to come up with a concrete diagnosis,because they then feel they can provide the right treatment,and this is maybe easier with physical illnesses,but with psychiatric illnesses there are so many variables--age and sex and social situation of their patient,past history of trauma or abuse(as in your husband's case).
How does your husband feel about moving back in?Personally,I would really want that,but what's he think?Your support could be such a good thing for him----my husband has been through all the bad things with me,and I'd be lost without him.How old are your children--old enough to be talked to about their Dad sometimes feeling sad?
The fact that your husband has agreed to take medication(what is he on?)is a good sign.If he gets the right meds,it could make all the difference.
There's a lot going on with your husband---he has had to deal with sexual abuse,and the fall-out from that,and the marital problems you've had are probably all mixed up with his low mood.Try and talk with someone(your couples therapist?His individual therapist?).There are several strands to what's going on,and if they could be sorted out and dealt with individually,you might feel less at a loss.
Don't get too hung-up about a diagnosis----in my time,I've been told I'm bi-polar(never had a spell of being manic in my whole life),paranoid state was another one.
One last thing----have you support around you for yourself?If you decide to support your husband through all this,it may make you anxious,and your needs are as important as everyone else's in your situation.If I can offer any advice or support,I'd be more than glad to.This is a very caring site,and I hope you'll feel able to talk about what's on your mind.
I hope I haven't said anything out of turn----I'm just coming back from a very low spell,and wonder if I express myself appropriately.In any case,you sound like a very caring person,and I wish you and your husband all good wishes and peace.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42531
   Posted 10/8/2008 1:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Dysthymia,

You have expressed yourself very well and have given some very good advice. You explain it so well, it makes it easy to understand. I hope that Kew can find solace with herself and her partner.

I am glad that you are back on the forum and I hope to see you feeling well.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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