Posted 10/7/2008 4:54 PM (GMT -6)
I'm new to the forum and I've learned so much this past week about depression. I just found out through our therapist that my husband suffers from dystemia. Three years ago, he had an emotional affair with a girl at work and we started therapy. Of course, most of the therapy was about working through the deception and on how to improve our marriage. At the time, the therapist wrote down dystemia on our receipt every time we'd come (2 years) but never suggested that he get medication.
Fast forward to 2008, he still has moments of happiness and sadness but gets progressively more distant and moves away sexually with me. This past April, he says he's just not happy. He starts therapy and sorts out his problems (sexual abuse at 13 by male co-worker). I start working on my bad behaviors in the marriage and blaming myself. By July, he says he still doesn't love himself so he we come up with a trial separation and he lives at a hotel while we continue single and couples therapy. We've had dates on and off, worked on improving our communication, and he sees our girls a lot. After Oct. 1, he was going to either move back in the house (he says he still loves me) or get a place and we would come up with a more formal trial separation in writing. I started investigating depression and dystemia (read the book Depression Fallout) and now I get why this has been such a struggle. He's a shadow of the person I met 24 years ago and it's not only affecting me, but our two beautiful daughters. Now that I understand the illness, I'm not pushing for more marital therapy. I simply want him to get well. Here's my questions:
Is coming home the best environment for him to get well? I think so, because he'll be surrounded by three people who love him dearly.
Should we tell our daughters that this is just a trial to help their dad get better and see if we can get along?
Will there be a significant change in him once the right medication kicks in?
He's still in a little denial and refuses to acknowledge he's depressed. He says he's just sad but he'll try the medication anyway. Denial is pretty common isn't it?
Thanks! Any of your thoughts or words of encouragement are welcome