hi depressedandlonly (and billy),
i know how you feel - i spent most of my life looking for someone else to love me becos my parents didnt give me the emotional support and love i needed. i chased love all mylife. i abused myself and got myself into all kinds of stupid situations and relationships that were really unhealthy for me. after splitting with my ex last year, (and it was a really messy affair!!!), i KNEW it was time to look at my issues and face what was going on inside me. i learnt so much in therapy - i had no idea i was carrying so much pain and old behaviour patterns from things that had happened to me in my early years. because i had been drinking and running away most of my life, these "issues" were never dealt with. well ive been i n therapy for over 6 months now and i am amazed at the transformation in myself. i am like a different person. i know that i dont need anyone else and that i can finally rely on myself to be emotionally self reliant. i am not looking for anyone else to love me, look after me or make it better for me. because of this, i am no longer attracting people who will treat me bad - when we are desperate for love, unfortunately, that is what we attract - people who use us and walk over us. (they take their bad feelings out on us, simply because we allow them to, hoping that they will think good of us!).
so the first step is learning how to look after and love yourself. i have swung so far the other way now that i have actually ditched all of my old friends!!!! i knew in my heart i only had 2 real ones and they are the ones that i have kept!! i had a birthday recently and invited people who i thought were my friends- NONE of them came!! i cried, but deep down, i KNEW it was part of the process i am going thru - i am getting rid of old bad rubbish!! it is lonely now, but i am breaking through some very old stuff - i am prepared to sit it out to the end because i know in the long run, iwill be much better off for going through this process; i will have real friends around me, people who genuinely care, and my life will be much more satisfying and happy. i won't allow it to be any other way. once we know what the best is for ourselves, we no longer allow ourselves to have any less! it is a long journey to find yourself and your own happiness, but if you keep going, i am sure the work you put in will reap its own rewards - you are very brave for taking this path!
good luck on your journey
who knows what tomorrow may bring
fight your way thru the darkness-
you will find,
your own song