Posted 10/10/2008 2:10 PM (GMT -6)
Hello, My name's Michelle. I've been a member since May of 08`
I use to part of the BiPolar Forum but I was misdignosed.
Recently I've been through ALOT. In August of 08` my Mom decided to kick me out the house. Now, my Mother has always kicked me in and out of the house since I was 15 but this time I'm 18 and even though I'm still in highschool it was legal. I ended up moving in with my cousin, her husband, and their 3 kids. I also started dating someone this summer before my Mom kicked me out and I now live 5 minutes away from him. [Luckily I live about an hour and a half away from my Mom] So, I started a new school during my senior year and it was terrible. None of the other students talk to me the teachers aren't very caring and I just didn't like it. I'm an honor roll student and because of the environment and all the stress I was still able to do my work but unable to remain in school for the whole day. I hurt myself about two weeks ago - I was very depressed and wasn't taking my medicine on a daily basis. The day I hurt myself I went to the hospital. Two days later I hurt myself again but more drastically. So, I went to a mental hospital called Carrier. I just got out yesterday. I was in there for six days. Now, going to the hospital is something I never thought I would have to do and not the first thing I would wish to do. But, I'm glad I went. Going to the hospital really gave me a wake up call. I always knew that there were others out there going through similar or worse situtations than myself but it never really hit me til I went to Carrier. While at the hospital I learn some new coping skills that really work for me, which is GREAT. I also began taking my medicine regulary and it's helping alot. When I came home everyone was very supportive, my cousin, her husband, the kids, my in home therapist, my CMO worker, and my boyfriend.
My only real issue now is that I'm still very much depressed and I'm alot more sensitive to what people say to me. :/
I do go to my cousin when I start to get depressed or upset and it helps but I just can't help but feel something inside me is missing. Like I have a huge whole inside me.
My boyfriend also has Major Depression but he shows his depression in different ways and handles it differently than I do. Since, I've been home he's been making jokes to try and cheer me up but they just make me sad. Also, he's lied to me. Before I left for Carrier I had asked him if he would write down at night, for every night I was away, how he felt that day and what changes he wants to see happen and what changes he's started to make. When I got home he told me he wrote them but couldn't find them. Later last night I called him and talked to him for a little bit and he told me he had found them. Today, I called him and asked him if he'd like to come over and asked if he'd bring the papers, that's when he told me he never wrote anything.
My boyfriend lies alot. He knows he does it and he says he wants to stop but he says he can't. It worries me but I'm trying not to focus on his problems because I feel I need to focus more on myself first.
We use to spend EVERY second of EVERY day together. Since I've got out the hospital I've decided with the help of my cousin and therapist that we both need to spend less time together and more time with ourselves.
I don't know. I'm just very confussed and I kinda don't know where to go from here.