My depression is getting the best of me. I'm on anti-depressant & anti-anxiett meds and have been in/out of therapy for the past 20 years. Right now I'm not in therapy only b/c I can't afford it. I'm to the point of feeling desperate & am having frequent thoughts of 'ending my life', or 'wishing I were dead'. This is NOT normal for me. The cause of my severe depression is b/c of so much loss, grief and I feel trapped & hopeless. Four+ years ago I had to stop working b/c of severe chronic pain. During that time I lost my nursing career, lost my home b/c of being unable to pay the tons of medical bills that I aquired in going from dr. to dr., having all sorts of tests (including MRI's, Pain Mgmt drs & specialists, epidurals, trigger point inj., facet neurotomy's, etc...etc...). I lost friends & my boyfriend got tired of me not being able to be active like I'd always been. I had to claim bankruptcy & move back home w/ my mom & sdad :-( I've been living in a very dysfunctional home environment for 4+ years now. There are past abuses, mostly from my sdad. He still scares me and we don't get along. My mom gets upset w/ me if I say anything re: how I feel abt things, and I've fallen into a caretaker role w/ them. It doesn't matter that I have severe pain 24/7, am in tears b/c of the pain & gasp for air b/c the pain is so bad every day. It's like I'm invisable. I can't get assistance b/c the DPA counts my parents income against me. I'm on the list for low income housing, but there's a waiting list years long. Also, my sdad flips out on me when he hears me talk of moving. I think he feels that he owns me. I need help so bad! I don't know how to go on living like this.
Thx SO much for being here! I'd be lost w/out all of you!
Fibromyalgia, Myofacial Pain Syndrome, RSD-CRPS, 11 herniated discs w/ multiple pinched spinal nerves, Osteoarthritis, TMJ, Sleep Apnea, CFS, Narcolepsy, Hypothyroidism, Asthma, Insulin Resistance, Major Depression, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Bilateral Peripheral Neuropathy (cause unknown)...LONELINESS & POVERTY (lol...)
Other than the above, I'm in great shape!