I think I'm just going crazy.

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/23/2008 7:39 PM (GMT -6)   

I feel horrible all the time. I have anxiety attacks and paranoia issues. In the past few years I have become socially retarded. I have developed a speech impediment that doesn't help matters any and I can't seem to ever find the right way to express myself. I'm starting to feel like I don't belong here in the weirdest ways. Technology seems ancient and futuristic at the same time, I have completely weird ways of looking at the world and people in it. I zone out and fixate on small details, not like ocd cleaning things down to the smallest details, although I have flipped out and done that on occasion, but things like while I'm driving I think about the wheels on the asphalt and the physical contact they are making or the fact that even though you cant see them, there are millions of pairs of socks hidden between the insides of shoes and peoples feet around the world and none of this seems right to me, not the fact that I feel this way, I obviously don't think thats right, but the fact that the socks are there, or the wheel is turning and touching the floor in that specific place at that specific time...and its not even a it doesn't seem right, I suppose its more of a confusing awkward feeling that I get and It may be because I realize that these are not normal behaviors, but that doesn't seem to fit.


When I drive over railroad tracks I see my car filled with people I care about getting smashed to bits by trains, When I see kids crossing the street I see my sisters being abducted and taken away. When I'm on the phone with friends, and the phone cuts out or they don't respond to text or answer the phone I assume the absolute worse and am ion a stat of panic until I get ahold of them again.


On the outside I try so hard to lead a normal life but all of these things continue to get worse and worse. I'm suicidal, I inflict pain on myself, I put myself down at a constant, I'm bulimic and try to pull myself out of it and then turn on myself and consider it to be failing and force myself to pick it back up again, although I know its just me justifying the disease. I feel depressed all the time. I feel alone in rooms full of people that consider themselves to be my friends. I can honestly say that I hate most of the people i associate with(most people in general actually).


I use to be so happy. I use to like my life. I don't know what happened, or what to do at this point. Im only 19. I know I shouldnt feel like this.


I don't know why I wrote this. I don't know what I expect from anyone who reads this. I re-read over it just now and can think of a million and one more things I want to put in here and can't figure out how to word it to get the message accross. Story of my life.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 10/23/2008 8:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Laruen,

There is nothing wrong with you. You just have your own unique way of thinking. That is totally okay. But obsessing about it is an energy theif. You will run yourself ragged worrying all of the time.

Are you seeing anybody as in counseling? They could help you not to obsess so much with your thinking.

You would be happier actually if you quit worrying about things that you can't control. Take life at what it is. What you see and what you know, not necessarily what you think could be happening, that most likely isn't. All of the worrying will deplete your energy and you will have chronic fatigue. And you will become depressed.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 10/23/2008 9:51 PM (GMT -6)   

After reading your post, I honestly could not relate to you more! We're around the same age and I feel the same things you do!
I understand when you say you try to lead a normal life but things are getting worse. I'll give you some advice that a great person gave me (since I feel we have similar situations)...
Try not to look at everything as being the worst. Whether they are getting worse or not, there's always a brighter side.
It's hard to feel like you fit in anywhere in a huge world. But just remember, please remember, that you are indeed an important person who deserves respect and a good life. There is nothing wrong with you. I think some of your thoughts are normal.

I'm also struggling with bulimia, but trying very hard to get over it. You're a beautiful person and whatever your reasons for this physical pain should not be feeling bad about yourself.

I honestly cannot believe how much I'm relating to you...when I read your post it was like something I would write. about the pain, eating, speech, anxiety and panic, seeing something as normal as a car of people and thinking the worst situation possible with no explanation why you think it.

Please do not be so hard on yourself. We cannot be perfect people. You are fine the way you are and in time these thoughts will hopefully go away.
I can tell you this though....the absolute best advice I can give you is counseling. I felt so lost and lonely and when I put my trust in a counselor I had someone who liked me and cared about me that I could depend on. And we're all here for you
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/23/2008 11:56 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Lauren,

Welcome to HealingWell.  I believe you wrote here tonight as you were looking for help and support and perhaps just to connect with others that understand how you feel. I am so glad you found us.

I have to agree counseling is a wise way to go but first see you PCP to have a good medical check up to make sure you do not have any medical issues that could be causing your problems. Ask you PCP to help you get connected with some type of therapy.  It does take hard work, but I believe in you and many of us here have had to take that step and walk into the therapists office.  When asked " what is wrong"  I just started to cry..........if I knew what was wrong I would have fixed it. smhair

Take care and keep on talking to us.



Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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