I do struggle with stopping myself from lashing out at times also, basically you need to unlearn the behaviour
s that you have taught yourself to deal with your Mum's death, I think maybe you have used lashing out as a bit of a defense mechanism over the years to stop people getting to close to you. I think the main way of doing this is thinking before you speak - so much easier said than done!!! I guess your first thought to yourself needs to be " is this really worth it?"
Or what my boyfriend tells me to do when I'm angry with him over something that isn't worth fighting about
is to lash out in my head! lol, he tells me to call him names amd argue with him in my head & then just forget about
it, sometimes it works & sometimes it doesn't - I guess it depends how important it is!
I can't write anything when i'm angered either & i find it really difficult to let go of things once I have started, I guess the main thing is - that if you really struggle to stop yourself from lashing out is that you make sure you apologise after, as although the damage has been done, you are repearing some of it!
anyway not sure if this is of any help!!
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"