I Feel Powerless

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/2/2008 11:03 PM (GMT -6)   
It started about 3 months ago, myself and my wife ive known about 7yrs started arguing, she works sometimes over 30 days straight and over 12 hours a day so obviously anything i say will irritate her but i didnt expect it go this far! After one argument she said she was leaving to go to her moms so i just let her go thinking it was just a small row and she will be back. But days past and her mom said she wasnt even staying at her house anymore, she called her mom saying she was now staying with her friend. Myself and her mom of course first thought maybe she has found somebody else but deep down i knew that she is not like that, and im thinking i hadnt done anything wrong it was just petty little squables. I think im a good husband im a chef so i cook, i clean, do house work, gardening whatever it takes around the house i do my fair share, im her first love we are both younger, but for our ages we have a lot of responsibilities we both have good jobs, our own house, we are married, things i would say are big for people of our age. But anyway now she is saying she wants a separation and is blaming me for everything that went wrong in our marriage she will call me yelling about finances or things ive done wrong, then go crying to her parents. Her parents are on my side saying she is crazy for throwing her life away that we have worked so hard to build over such small things. But some of the things she says really hurt, things like we should have never got married, i dont love you anymore. She is on such an up and down road, then early last week she came crying to her mom saying that she needs to go to the doctor. As i suspected the doctor said she is suffering from deep depressive dissorder and prescribed her lexapro and said why didnt she come in sooner. (as we know it can be hard to get someone to admit they have a problem) however she wont admit it to me still that she is suffering with this condition, we arnt even on speaking terms, she has gotten that deep in the depression, her mom told me as she feels i have a right to know, but i feel i should stand by her as i still love her with all my heart and i feel that even though she is saying these spitefull things i know its the condition talking. I want to stand by her but she has to tell me first. What is there to do???

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/3/2008 12:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Sounds familiar. I also have depression and sometimes lash out at people. Just understand that she is in a lot of emotional pain right now. I'm sure she really loves you and appreciates you but it is just hard to show it while she is going through all of these painful emotions.

Remember that her situation has nothing to do with you being a bad husband, it's all to do with her brain and NONE of this is your fault. You seem like a wonderful husband to stick by her side. Just give her some time to get on the right medication and sometimes they need to adjust it as well. When she is on the right medication, she will most likely be her normal self again.

When you have depression, the slightest comment from somebody can be taken out of context and twisted into something very hurtful even though it wasn't meant to be hurtful at all. She is looking for ways to confirm her own beliefs that life is horrible and nobody loves her. In her mind, things are far worse than what they really are, and hopefully she will see the situation for what it really is once she is on the right medication.

That's just my two cents! But good luck though.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 11/3/2008 12:18 AM (GMT -6)   
There is nothing you can do except to tell her that you will be there for her whan she needs you.If she wount talk to you E-Mail her or write or text her.Then all you can do is wait.It might take some time and she may never come around but you can not fix her she has to fix herself.You can stand bye her but only if she wants you to.Good luck and I will pray fpr you.
Lost half of my small intestine.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 11/3/2008 4:51 AM (GMT -6)   
I think maybe that your wife feels she needs to get herself better, before she can start thinking about getting your marriage better. I think your going to have to give her some time & space to work on her own health.
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 11/3/2008 11:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HealingWell depression forum.

I think that you have gotten some very good advice, I think that the main thing is to give the medication time to work for her and give her some space. I am sure that once she feels better that she will be thinking in a different light.

Best wishes for you to have a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/3/2008 12:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello cjw832004,
I am so sorry your wife has depression.  I am just so glad she talked to her parents.  Working the hours she was working she was bound to have a meltdown.  The pressure on her must have been tremendous.
Now you are the perfect husband as you can juggle many things as once which may have made her feel guilty for being weak.
People with depression beat themselves up all the time for not being strong enough, good enough and not knowing where to turn.
I would let her know in a short card that you are there for her and not going anywhere. Tell her you support her and that you love her.  But give her some space.  Let her get through some therapy and let her meds start working.  They usually take 4-6 weeks.
Most of all if your with her and she starts to cry please don't say "Now what is wrong?". If she knew what was wrong she would fix it.
I will say prayers for both of you and know she is ill as depression is a mental health disorder.  Many people lead normal lives with therapy and help.  I feel she will get better.
Take care

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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