You are in a awful situation right now, but please try to see the other side of that as well. Do you know what Barack Obama answered when he was given the question: "Do you still want to become president while the USA is so f----- up right now?". Obama said, "Yes, especially now our nation lies in ruins, because now it is easier to change, they want to change." Whether you are Democrat, Republican, or not politically involved, there is a truth in what Obama said. If everything is going well to a certain point, people aren't willing to change. So you can use this situation to change into something you never even dreamed of.
It is hard to change on your own, so please see a counsellor, or a local support group if that is possible. They can be such a great help in getting your life back on tracks.
I can tell you a philosophy in which I believe in, something that can make you more joyful. For instance, a football match. When it is over, the winner team is happy, the losing team isn't. Which means the football match itself contains no emotional charge, else everyone would feel the same. No, it is our experience and thoughts and reactions to that situation that give the emotional charge. So what I try to say is, that all the joy there will ever be is already inside you. At the moment, you just need a situation to trigger it. BUT, it is possible to trigger it yourself. Imagine the result of being happy all the time, no matter what happens. And it ain't very hard to achieve, as long as you believe in it. It just takes some time for you to practise at finding your inner joy, and to get new insights in how to find it, and why it is true.
This way, you won't rely on external sources for your happiness, but it will be in the one place no one can ever take away, your inside.
But like I said, you have to believe you can do it, keep faith as often as you can, especially when you are feeling down. I can help you if you want.
Ow, and I am sorry if I wasted your time with this, some people find this a load of bullcrap
All the best Bling, and remember you are a good mom if you are loving and trying, no matter what they say!