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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/9/2008 1:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I moved to NYC to go to school about 3 months ago, I traveled up from Florida couch surfing with friends and working construction. For the better part of the summer I was alone working construction and writing, and although it was hard being in a new place with no one I knew I got along fine, a little homesickness but nothing so bad.

Then I came to the city.

I stretched myself too thin at first meeting everyone I could and befriending too many people to the point where I couldn't keep up with all my social circles. Then I settled on 3 close friends. One of the friends (whom I considered the closest) was hospitalized and had to leave the school and move back home.

Afterwards the other friends turned into mere acquaintances.

Since my friend left I've been completely alone. I try to reach out to all the people I've met but it all ends in unreturned phone calls or text messages. I've spent the last 2 months all by myself and I'm constantly getting this heavy feeling of a painful contraction in my chest/abdominal area. I want to cry often and the only person I can turn to are my friends 1000 miles away.

People are often saying we should hang out and inviting me out but when I pursue these things they act as if the invitation was never extended and they have no plans.

Someone explained to me that this is Manhatanese and that when someone extends an invite it's just a form of being polite and they don't actually mean it.

I've become terribly misanthropic and I find it nearly impossible to get out of bed everyday. I spent halloween by myself (for the first time ever) and just cried in my room.

I'm becoming more and more of an introvert. No one in this darn city talks to me unless they want to bum a cigarette. Kids that I talk with in class and get along with all of a sudden don't exist after class on the weekends when I ask them what they're up to or if they want to hang out.

They live in the same god darn building! I've now decided to dish back the treatment. I'm not going to smile or make jokes or even give these darn kids the time of day if they can't be real to my face. And this terrible feeling I carry inside extends to how I get along with others to the point where I'm so darn negative I wouldn't even hang out with myself.

But what worries me is the constant pain I get in my chest and stomach and feeling like I want to cry at all hours of the day, being unable to get out of bed and not even wanting to go out to get groceries or do laundry. My appetite has gone to crap.

I can't even see the school therapist because the office is located in an area where kids (I'm at a very small school) will see me entering and I try my god darn best to not let on that I'm dying on the inside.

I guess I was wondering if this is common of depression, or if it's just some sort of social psychosomatic nonsense I have to get over.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 11/9/2008 4:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Heej Delkan,

Are you clinically depressed?

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.

* you can’t sleep enough or you sleep too much
* you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
* you feel worthless and hopeless
* you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
* you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
* you are constantly irritated or become enraged even at small things – and this is new for you
* you have thoughts that life is not worth living, or have a plan for how you would end it (Seek help immediately if this is the case)

The symptoms described above are the general symptoms for depression according to psychologists. If you experience some of them, you are clinically depressed. Your story suggest me to think so.
I know what you mean with that weird feeling in your chest, it is a common spot for people to feel physical hurt because of mental pain. They only remedy I found working for that is joy.

Delkan, there are several things you could do to get rid of your sadness. I strongly advice you to find a counselor if that is possible. Some of us have strong doubts against there use, but if you have an open attitude towards them they can be real life savers. Another thing is to keep writing down your thoughts and feelings. Try to write them down in a logical order, as this force you to think about it. Getting things straight can be such a help.

I believe your feelings will pass by, since you obvious had enough of them (else you wouldn't be writing here). This is a very good thing, because getting rid of your depression requires a mental change in some degree. Having a purpose for your mental change can make it so much easier.

Also, accepting and trying to see the positive side of things can be a great help towards getting happy again. Whenever possible, ask yourself the question "What is the positive side of this moment?". Even when all joy seemed to have disappeared, just trying to think of the positive side that every situation has can bring a small change in your mind. Gradually, it becomes easier and life becomes more joyful. If this seems worth trying out, there is a lot more about it that can make it easier. Just ask :-).

I wish you all the best Delkan!
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 11/9/2008 8:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell,

I am so glad that you have found us. It is a terrible pain to go through and cope with what you are dealing with... and I know because I have done it myself. I want you to know that here, you are never on your own and you will always get as much support and help as we can provide you with.

It does sound like clinical depression and it is definately something I would take to a physician or psychologist in order to try and resolve the problem. You said when you moved to the city, you didnt have a problem making friends (In fact you made too many)... is it possible for you to repeat the same process again but this time making sure you limit your social circle?

Remember we are always here

Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
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Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/9/2008 10:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Good Morning, this is Kitt. You've found a safe, caring , and reliable support community for people battling Depression.. We have many members here who will be glad to lend an ear, offer information, and provide support for people who need it.
I know how you feel as I tied all my friendships to my work and when I took early retirement, my friends just drifted away.
I am confused why your other 2 friends backed off but let's not worry about that.  Let's get you better. If you have access to therapy at school, use it.  Try not to let it matter who sees you.  I did not want anyone to know for 24 years, I held it all inside and many times I fought the tears.  If your home and feel the tears, let them out. You will be surprised when you surrender to your feelings.
Remember to try to stay in the moment.  Everyone in this forum has Depression or knows someone who does.
Keep talking to us.
Again a warm welcome.


Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 11/9/2008 11:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Try to remember that two wrongs don't necessarily make a right. Try not to get bitter about it and treating them the same as they treated you only makes you the same as them.

You sound like such a sweet person, I suggest that you stay that way. Go to counseling, read self help books. That will get your thinking straightened out.

I think that you should also find something to do during your alone time. Pick up a hobby or craft that you like to do. Don't worry what other people are doing at the time, just focus on yourself. You will get there, you have already taken a step by coming here.

Best wishes my friend,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/10/2008 7:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks guys, just talking about it definitely helps. I've made an appointment with the school therapist and I'm channeling my alone time into all my various creative hobbies and studying. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I've felt a lot better since I posted here so I will definitely keep writing these things down.
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