I am sorry your going through this. I went through a divorce many years ago where the divorcee was a horrible person. So everyone blamed me, the wife for not keeping her husband happy. Bahhh to that one. It takes 2 people to make a relationship.
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors and we don't have to. You stated "Now that I'm on my way to loving myself, she's holding me back by bringing up stuff."
No one can hold you back accept you. You are the one running your life and you cannot blame anyone else from keeping you from moving forward.
Do you have a therapist or have you been dx with depression? If not you should see your physician for a good check up and ask for help in getting through this tough time.
Take care and know we are here for you. We believe in you so you work on doing the same thing.