REALLY DOWN AND DEPRESSED ONCE AGAIN
Hi getting by
I feel like I am a hopeless mess,with no way out.You know that I have been dealing with a lot of things in my life,since we have been e-mailing each other.
I feel like I am a lost hopeless case and can not be helped.I have been to three specialist about the drainage from my rectum,due to my permanent colostomy.All off the doctors say that they don't know what is causing it and they don't want to get into it or touch me.The just keep sending me to other doctors.Yestesday my husband and I drove 187 miles one way to "he what was supposed to be one of the top specialist around".He checked me out,handed me a phone number of another doctor and told me give him a call,that he did not want to get into it with me.I feel I am getting the run around.I have another appointment set up to travel about 180 miles on January 9th,to see another specialist.
I am wore out,depressed,up set and have lost all of my holiday spirit because of it.I keep a constant headache from the stress fot what I am putting myself through.It is causing a lot of friction between my husband and I.Told him this morning that I did not feel much like going over to my daughters for Thanksgiving.Her house is not all the big,and she is going to have 36 people there.It will wall to wall peoplel and not all family.I just don't feel like being around all of them people the way I feel.Do you think I am wrong for not wanting to go,and be around that many people,feeling the way I do.I really don't see things changing between now and next Thursday.My husband tells me that I am just feeling sorry for myself,but I don't think that he knows all that I am going through.
Please try to give some answers and help me.I am desperite.I want so bad to O.D,but I know that my grand children and my handicap son needs me.I can not stop crying. I hope to hear from you soon.
Hugs and Prayers