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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 79
   Posted 11/21/2008 2:12 PM (GMT -6)   
confused   cry sad Hi getting by;
     I feel like a hopeless mess and no way out,with way to turn.You know that I have been throgh a lot and have had a lot of problems since we have been e-mailing each other back and forth.
     I don't know how much more I can take of what I am going through.I am still having a lot of drainage from my rectum and vagina since my permanent back in June of 2006.It has been getting worse,and I have been back to the doctor that did the surgery to start with and wants nothing to do with my.So I have been to four specialist and all of them just keep passing me off to another doctor saying that they don't what is wrong and  don't want to get into.My husband and I traveled 187 miles yesterday to see what was supposed to be "one of the top notch doctors with a 200 miles radius.He talk to me,lood at me,and said and done just what the other doctor have been doing.So now I have an appointment to trave another 180 miles to see another so called Colon/Rectal Specialist.I feel like I am getting the run around every where I go.
     I am so down,depressed,and up set and I am be side myself,and it is causing a lot of friction between my husband and I,because the mood that I am in.I can't help it,and I just can to pull myself out of it.My butt is so sore and feels like it is on fire,but still no help,just a phone number to another doctor.
     We are supposed to go over to my daughters for Thanksgivings day dinner.I don't feel like going,the way I feel and the mood that I am in.I really don't see things changing between now and then.Her house is not that big and she is having 36 people over for Thanksgiving dinner and they are not all family.Do you think I m wrong in not wanting to go,in the mood I am in and bringing everyone down with me,or setting there with a long sad face on all day long.
      Please answer me back,and maybe try to help me to the right think.I am so beside myself and don't know what to do anymore.I was so hoping that next year would be better year,but I don't see that happening.
                                       Hugs and Prayes
                                                                          San's   ( Sandy)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 11/21/2008 3:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sandy,

I answered you on your other post. They aren't exactly the same, so I wont delete any of them. I thought maybe you hit submit two times by accident.

Don't give up, there could be so many changes within a years time. Try to think about all of the good things that you got done so far. You have been through a lot. And I think that this new specialist will be able to help you.

I know that you got your feet worked on and an eye lift. So how is that going? It must be nice to have theses procedures over with. I hope that they worked out for you.

Please don't give up, you will make it. We are all here for you and want to encourage you. I especially get the feeling that things are going to work out. Do you have any infections going on that could be causeing the drainage? Do they even have a clue what is causing this?

I am sure that there will be good things going on in the next year for you. Change happens so suddenly, so please stay with us and don't give up.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 11/21/2008 4:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I come over here from Chronic Pain Forum. I saw the title of this thread and felt
a pull ... a call to respond. Hello San.

I too am Depressed and need help. Lucky us with the holidays upon us.

I think you are on the way to the right doctor. I had to look for YEARS to find
a Pain Doctor who would help me to stay out of flaming pain. I'm still in it, but
it's better. The doctor is a little better. Small steps. Usually forward. Some back
steps. Keep going.

Now: about your daughter's -- I'm not giving advice. That's for sure.
Once I went to my daughter's huge baby shower. She begged me. I saw people
there that I hadn't seen in years. I think I acted naturally. But the problem?
OMG ... I looked at the photographs afterward and I looked awful. Tortured.
Dreadful. Oh ... and that's how those people will remember me!
I wished I hadn't gone.

Now the question may come up, "Just how huge was this grandchild you speak
of?" : - )

I never WANT to go to party things. OMG ... I have to put my shoes on and find
my lipstick. You know? However, almost everytime I've gone to an event
I've had a good time. I distract from pain strongly. (A cigarette does the same
thing but that just ain't the way to do!) I believe it's Adrenalin.

Your daughter's house is pretty small for that huge a group. Maybe you couldn't
find a chair - possibly not a good situation for a sore butt. Or a pain in the neck!
I am currently making the same decision - only the party is not at my daughter's
house. It's at her Mother-In-Laws. : - )

I think I may be on the verge of one of those personal type of surgeries. Difficult.
And how! (In many ways)

Pamela Neckpain

Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 11/21/2008 2:28:44 PM (GMT-7)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/21/2008 5:24 PM (GMT -6)   


Hi there, I am Kitt and I am not sure what your surgery was so all I can say is that I support you.  I know a lot of facilities coming from MN so if you have a need of a clinic I may have some info.

As far as Thanksgiving, think of yourself, give yourself permission to stay at home and know that there will be plenty of people to eat the dinner.  Your husband could go and bring you home a nice plate of food and some pie of course.  :)

I have a sense that your physical problems and depression are closely entwined.  That would be normal. 

"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow"~Melody Beattie~

My wish for you is peace.

Gentle Hugs



Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 79
   Posted 11/22/2008 12:28 PM (GMT -6)   
      I want to thank the three of you who anwered my cry for help.I will answer each of you back in a seperate paragraph addressed to you: getting by/Pamela neckpain/and stkitt.
      This on is to getting by;
         That you for being there for me as you have always been.I feel like I know you,that is why I keep addressing my depression e-mails to you,first and there are times when others answer as well,which I enjoy.
         I do feel a litlle bit better today,but not much.I am still depressed,confused,hurting,and what ever else can go wrong.A long with the rest of my problems,I had to go my primary doctor yesterday,as now I have a U.T.I.  What next is going to go wrong with me.
         My husband told me this morning that I have to go over to my daughters for Thankgiving,becasue if I don't then my handicap son will be disappointmented and will be hard to handle.I guess I don't have much of a choice.I do know that my heart will not be in it and I will not be good company.I will just try to stay out of everyones way,and act like the black silent sheep and no one will notice me.
         I am not feeling all that great today.I don't know if is because all I went through yesterday and because of my new problem.I stayed in bed until 11:00 this  morning as I did not want to get up and had to think of a reason to get up.
         With that I have going on,it sure has taken away from my holiday spirit.That much I know.
         Well that is all for this time,and thanks for being there for me.I hope that you and your family have a good Thanksgiving.
                                   Hugs and  Prayers                     San's    (Sandy)
      This one goes to Pamela neckpain;
         How can you say,lucky us with the holidays apon us.When I feel like this,it takes away my holiday spirit away,and I don't feel like doing anything.I guess I am lucky in  one way though.My Christmas shopping is done,so that is out of the way.It is just a matter of decorating and putting up the tree.Last week I was in a great holiday spirit and could not wait to put the tree up.Now I do not care if it goes up or not.I don't like the way I feel when I get like this.I feel like I am two different people when I get this low.
         I have four kids of my own,one step son,eleven grand children who are from the age of twenty three,down to six months.My great grand son weight almost eleven pounds when he was  born.He will one year old on December 27th.My handicap son is 34 years old,but has the mentalaty of a 13 year old and takes things hard and cries easy like I do.He is the one that I worry about.
        As far as going over to my daughters for Thanksgiving,it looks like I am going to have to go anyway.My handicap son will be there and if I don't show up,he will be a handful to handle,and will diisrupt the whole day.I will just myself scarce and find a corner and stay in it,and maybe people will not notice me.But at the same time,my daughter can read me like a book.I know that will ask questions if I don't mingle with the rest of the people.I will go and do my best to be happy,but I know that will not happen.
        I don't smoke,so I can't use that excuse,and there is no smoking in her house,even though she smokes.So I am stuck inside the whole time.I just don't want to stay there very long.I just want eat,have dessert and leave.
        Well that is all for this time.Thank you for answering me.I hope that you and your family have a great Thanksgiving.
                              Hugs and Prayers
                                                                      San's    (Sandy)
     This one is to stkitt;
          My surgery was a permanent colostomy,and I have been having problems ever since.I was not told that I would have any of these problems after my surgery.But how ever my problems have gotten worse.
          I live here in West Virginia,where there are no specialist to speak of,so that is why I have to travel so far,to see a specialist in the area of problems that I am having.I have been to Winchester,W.V.,Morgantown,W.V.,Pittsburgh Penn.and that is where I will be going again on the 9th of January to see another specialist.I feel like I am chacing a toronado,and am having no luck finding it.
          My husband told me this morning,that I pretty much have to go to my daughters for Thanksgiving,or my handicap son,will disrupt the whole day,if I am not there.I am hope to get there in time to eat,then have dessert and leave.I will find a corner and stay in it while I am there.I don't want to be around all of those  people and all of that noise.I will guess I will just have to make the best of it,and try not to let how I feel bring down everyones elses happiness.Although my daughter can read me like a book,so she will know that there is somethlng wrong with me,and she had no  patience  with me at all.
           That is all for now.Thank you for responding to my cry for help.I hope that you and your family have a great Thanksgiving.
                          Hugs and Prayers
                                                           San's   ( Sandy )

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 11/22/2008 1:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sandy,

Hopefully you will have a better time than anticipated. I really hope that you are able to enjoy yourself. I guess you need to go for your son's sake. To him, these holidays are probably really special. I just hope that you are comfortable. I will be praying for you.

I just want you to know that all of us on the forum are thinking about you and are here for you. And of course, I will always be here for you. Keep posting as you feel up to it, and if by any chance, I don't talk to you before, I hope that you truly have a happy Thanksgiving.

Keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.

Love Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 11/24/2008 9:29 AM (GMT -6)   
san`s I think that it would help you to go to the ostimy forum here at healingwell.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 11/24/2008 10:41 AM (GMT -6)   

dear one,,   i am so so sorry for the state i am in,,when i saw that you were invited to thanksgiving at your daughters,,,,it make me wonder,,you know when  i am going thru the bad and ugly of this life on planet earth i tend to focus on what i do not have and on the problem..    i know it's more complex than what i'm going to say and i am not walking in your shoes and i do not know you and your daughters relationship,,,but i'd give anything if i had a kid/kids who reall gave a darn about me,   the two sons who did are now dead...   this is the first xmas season that i am determinded to enjoy all the fun of this season no matter how i feel and not rob myself of what i do have.   i am so terribly sorry for your pain,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,olivia

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 11/24/2008 1:13 PM (GMT -6)   

I am so sorry to hear about your son's dieing. I really don't know how to express how sorry that I am, but doing the best that I can. I hope that you are having a good day.

Keep posting

Hugs, Karen

PS  know that grieving is a personal thing and there are no rules or time limits with grief.  We are here for you.

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 11/24/2008 11:41:30 AM (GMT-7)

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