Is it really over?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 11/26/2008 9:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Yesterday, my husband of 19 years said goodbye.  We've been separated since July and he's been living in a hotel.  We have two beautiful girls and he's been a great father.  He was diagnosed with depression in Oct. and has been on meds over two weeks.  Last weekend, he said he wanted to work toward reconciling and was finally starting to "feel" happy/sad thoughts again.  He also told me his business was failing and he had to fire people in his business and make a pay cut for Dec.  The next day, I cried my eyes out and asked him if he really wanted to reconcile or was it because of the money situation?  He said it was because he really wanted to reconcile.  He went to counseling on Mon. and by yesterday, told me it was over.  He just didn't want to hurt me and the girls anymore or cause so much pain.  He said he was a failure and it was his fault.  How can a person change their mind so quickly?  Think it's because the pain is just too much for him to deal with right now?  We don't have the money to file for a divorce but I think I might have to create more boundaries and say "no" to him ever coming back into the house except x-mas day.  I'm so devasted and lost.  Anyone else ever experience this?

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/26/2008 11:17 AM (GMT -6)   

I am so sorry, but I think your husband's depression is causing his feelings of failure and not wanting to hurt you.

Also the economy has pushed people with depression into a deeper depression.

Your hubby has only been on the meds for 2 weeks.  It usually takes 4-6 weeks for the full effect of the med.

I support you in setting boundaries.  Your on the right track in including him at Christmas but he needs to get better and you cannot do that for him, only he can through counseling, his meds and hard work.

Praying for you



Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/29/2008 5:23 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Kitt. Your husband has made a first step by seeking help for depression. That is a major step. Now he needs time and space for the medication and treatment to work. Meanwhile you must concentrate on your own life and taking care of your kids. If you really care about him and want to hope for reconciliation that is up to you, but don't depend on his recovery to be happy, because you won't know how long it will take or if it will ever happen. Good luck and God Bless........Ryn

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 11/30/2008 7:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Heej Kew,

I believe it is the depression talking, not your husband. If you still have any love left for him I advise you to support him the best you can, because he really needs it at the moment. Depression often leads to isolation from others. You feel useless, and don't want others to be hurt by your failure as well. By the story you wrote I think it is the same with him. Sadness and isolations goes hand in hand, just as happiness and connection with other people.

And he changed his mind quickly means he can change back in an instant as well, please be aware of that.

Take care Kew!
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)

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