ok, so i found this forum and thought that it couldn't hurt to write.
I am in a really bad place right now, i have had a really bad year and things just keep happening that make me wonder whats the point. I was driving my friends truck today ( i have to pick her up from the airport tomarrow) and was crossing this bridge and all i could think about was if i floor it would i go right through the barrer fall in to the water, or would the barrer hold and i would just smash into it. and if i did it would it hurt? would anyone really care, would anyone come to the furneral, and what would that say? Julie, the poor girl who was left by everyone when she was 16, Who got married at 19 thinking that she would finally have her everafter and have the family she never could have but only to have it taken away from her 9 years later when he found someone eles. then 4 months later still now emotional stable he takes her son away, HOPEING that she might kill herself (he actually said that to me) who then finds her dad and moved to be with him, hoping that she had finally found her place in life, and a parent who loved her, only to find out that he is abusive, thinks julie is stupid for her ways of thinking, who then after 2 months says that julie wasnt the daughter he thought she was going to be and kicks her out, leaving her all over again. Is that what they would say?
Whats the point of going on? I mean really, I have one friend..ONE.. my son is doing fine, he has a new mommy, and every time i talk to him he just calls me julie he doesnt even think of my as mommy anymore.
I have thoughts of running into polls and driving off bridges and cliffs all the time, I was on a balcony of a 4 story building and all i wanted to do was jump... these thoughts are not normal, but i can't make them go away!!
Edit: Stop the stinkin thinkin and kick it to the curb. Turn your thinking around. You can control your thoughts. Quit with the scenarios your running through you head. Go for a long walk...........if you need to call 911
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 12/2/2008 4:09:07 PM (GMT-7)