Well, you have defn. had alot going on. I can sympathize some as I am only 17 myself. I can tell you that dealing with depression isnt an easy thing. But, I understand what you are saying about
not feeling emotion. I am convinced that you are depressed, to what level, I am not sure. Maybe just a little or maybe not. But, nevertheless, its good that you are going to talk to someone. Its better not to wait, trust me. I have dealt with depression and anxiety for over a year and a half. I am just now feeling better because I just recently talked to my doctor about
it and started taking medication. But, it took me a VERY long time to have the courage to speak up... So, its important that you talk about
I understant trying to juggle work, school, and everything else in your life. Its not easy. But, you will make it. When you dont feel any emotion its hard to really process thoughts because you dont understand how you are feelings towards things. I remember feeling numb. I would sit out on the porch and just stare at the world. And the world stared back! I remember feeling so lonely. I was single at the time and going through some really hard things just with that. You said you flirted with both guys and girls, so maybe you could understand, I dont know because I dont know that much about
you. But, 11 months ago I came out to my friends. It was such a hard thing, and still is. But, I remember feeling so alone because I didnt have anyone there for me. And I couldnt talk to people about
my feelings. I was too stubborn, but more than anything I wanted help.
For me, I got WAY worse. I didnt start messing around sexually like in your case, but I started the whole self-harm type thing. Trust me, thats not the way to go! So, I can understand how you had no feelings.
I suggest you go talk to that person. They will be able to help you more than we can. We will help you as much as possible and be your support system! Most of here can understand one way or another what you are going through. Im not sure about
the boyfriend. It sounds like he really cares for you.
My suggestion on that part would be to wait for a while. First of all, he will help you through. Its sounds like he's an okay guy. But, right now if you are numb to your feelings, you cant distinguish how you feel from how you dont. Maybe the divorse and everything stressed you out and you have alot of feelings that are there and causing this. Im not sure. Maybe you dont really like your boyfriend.
You also cant compare what happened to your parents to yourself. Things happen to people, but its unpredictable. You have to be trusting. You cant assume everything bad will also happen to you. You cant think that because of what happen to your parents its better not to get involved, that way you wont have to go through that... you just cant think that.
So, like I said before, go talk to someone. Get everything out, and get some help. Hopefully you will start to feel better soon. Then, maybe you can think clearer and know how you truly feel about
things! I dont know if this helps you or not, I can only hope it helps some! lol But, if you ever need to talk, Im here. My email and everything is on my page, just click on my name. I wish you the best of luck! Take Care! =]
Lyrica and Paxil (both working quite well might I add!)
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."