I am so glad you did not take my post wrong. You are not dumb, your are human. When I did something very similiar I knew I was going to get kicked in the teeth but I did it anyhow. I was dumb enough to move to the city where this person lived after already havng him walk out on me before. Why did I go and do something so dumb.............I will never know but when I moved to where he was I had 3 little children. It did not even last one week, I was left with nothing but bills. He snuck out in the middle of the night. He took the car, it was his.............left me high and dry.
I cried a river and then swallowed my pride and called a friend for help. He was much like your Dr, he would pop in and out of my life but after his last stunt I got really mad at myself and decided never again would I fall for that trick again.
I know I will have memories of him but I won't be remembering any of the good, only the way I was treat in the end.
After he snuck off taking the car and leaving me alone with no phone or transportation my 3 year old got very sick with high temp and I had no way to go to a Dr. That was the straw for me. No one messes with my children.
That child died in a car accident when he was 21 and I still feel guilty for putting him in a precarious situation way back when he had that fever.
Well I am rambling but I wanted you to know you are not stupid. You are not dumb and your are trying to heal by going to therapy. I am proud of you.
Stay strong. Let the tears out and then get up and keep taking babysteps.