Well it's not just her words but her actions that hurt me. I try to let it go, and after awhile my hurt and anger fades. But as I said, this keeps happening over and over again. It's not a one time incident but a reoccurring conflict. So the hurt and anger keep coming back every time it happens.
It is her house, so she would be the one responsible for getting the toilet fixed. I've asked her many times to get it fixed and she always brushes it off no matter how many times it overflows. She's even implied that it's my fault that toilet overflows which I know is ridiculous because I use it the same way I use the downstairs toilet and there's no problems with that one. Even If I wanted to take responsibility for fixing the toilet, unfortunately I wouldn't be able to because I simply can't afford it, so it's really up to her to take care of it.
Unfortunately even if the other toilet was fixed it wouldn't completely solve the problem. When she sprays her hair in the bathroom, even if she closes the door behind her when she leaves, the smell still gets into the hallway and if I have to walk past there I still go into coughing fits.
I wish I could let go of all these feelings right now but I guess they aren't going to fade for awhile. I keep having all these thoughts. Feelings of wanting to hurt myself just because I know it would upset her. Also having urges to call up my father and rant to him about
the whole thing because I'm pretty sure he'd side with me against her on pretty much anything. I know I'm not going to do either of those things because it would only cause more problems, but the urges are there just the same.
What I really hate is the fact that I'm so dependent on my mother for financial support. I hate the way she treats me sometimes but I can't leave and I'm forced to put up with it. Sometimes I can't wait until I have a job so I can move out, even though it would mean I'd be completely alone. Who knows, maybe I'd be happier in the long run if I was completely isolated.
Karen, haven't moved it yet cause I was waiting for feedback. I tried to ask my sister if I was over reacting, but she didn't want to get involved. I guess I should go move it, even if it results in her yelling at me later.
Thanks for the feedback I appreciate it.
Allergies, Asthma, Anxiety, Depression, IBS, PCOS, Fibromyalgia
Post Edited (Kythe) : 12/7/2008 9:54:48 AM (GMT-7)