Hello, this is Kitt. You have come to the right place to find members who know where you are coming from and what your going through.
You might be interested in this book:
Understanding Depression By Patricia Ainsworth
I have had Depression and Anxiey for 26 years and I know all about putting on my happy face and pretending I am happy go lucky when inside I am crying. I am wishing I really was the person that acts happy and tries to keep others from knowing how I really felt.
I finally crashed and when I told people what was wrong they laughed and said yeah, right until the tears started to trickle down my face and then they believed.
I believe if you stick with us we can help you so keep posting and know we care. You are not alone anymore.