having a hard night

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 12/8/2008 5:12 PM (GMT -6)   
My boyfriend is going to Holland to watch the football, and as I'm sure most of you can imagine I'm stressing, I just spoke to him on the phone, he is going to bed as he has to be up at 3am, but he was preoccupied & never gave me the re-assurance that I needed, don't get me wrong I didn't ask for reassurance, but sometimes I just need to hear how important I am to him & he is never very forthcoming! I find it hard! I wasn't stressing unti I spoke to him.  I think I'm just being stupid & I know that I am getting much better at controlling my anxiety, but right now I just feel like crying coz I feel so alone - he will be back on Weds morning so its not like he's gone for long!
I just find myself sometimes being controlling in my relationship - if he says he's going out with his friends I try & find some excuse so that he doesn't  - I don't want to be this controlling person though!
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 12/8/2008 5:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Heej Li,

I really don't know what to say, but I want you to know I am still here if you want to talk to anyone. Boys can be like that, not saying that you love someone, just because we think it is already obvious that we do. So maybe you can find just a tiny bit of comfort in that.

You point out that you think you are controlling in a relationship. That can make things extra hard, but this is a very good time to work on it, try to improve it. If you can manage to find some peace and comfort now, you can carry that on with you and use it as a start for becoming a less-controlling person.

I honestly don't know what to say to comfort you Li, but you know I, and all of HW, care about you!

Take care!
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42500
   Posted 12/8/2008 6:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Li,

I think that just the point that you talk about this means that you are getting a handle on it. I think that you are working very hard to feel more secure and I think that you do. It is just that old habits die hard.

I agree with Erik. Men do assume that you know how much that they care and don't say it often. I am sure that he feels secure in the relationship and thinks that you do too. You two have been together for quite some time now and he figures that you know how much he cares. I can't emphasize that enough. Men just aren't the types to speak their feelings to us. If you find one who does, that would be rare.

I know that you can handle this. You have really come a long way.

You need to learn to relax in your relationship so that you don't feel the need to control it. Just let it flow. Things will work out the way that they should and I know that you will be happy. It is good to have control of your life, but you can't control others no matter how hard that you try. Once you get secure with yourself and your boyfriend, you wont feel this need to control things. I know that you can do this. And try to stay busy while he is gone. I know that you can do that too.

I hope that you have a wonderful day.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 12/9/2008 6:25 AM (GMT -6)   
I am feeling a bit more relaxed today, I am at work & I have left my phone in the car to stop me checking it obsessively!!!  I was drving to work this morning & I was being all negative, thinking of all the bad things in my relationship - but I think now that I am being stupid, just because I am having a bad moment, doesn't mean that it is all bad!!! It's been very good lately & I have been so happy & so I am not going to let my stressing ruin that!!! 
I don't think that my boyfriend knows I am controlling because I guess I'm quite manipulative about it, but it maybe isn't as bad as I implied last night, I think I was making it bigger then it was because I was feeling sad!!
anyway just needed a bit of a vent!
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

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