Once upon a time on November 28, 1992, a son was born. His mother was alone that night he was born, he had no one in there to say hi to but her. Her brothers and sisters just dropped her off, and her husband was in another country.
A quick fast forward about
The father divorces the woman and takes his son and leaves behind his daughter, supposedly because he did not have her passport. Now, he raised this son on a firm bases:
Your mother never cared for you,
I'm all you ever had,
You have to be a preacher and a man of God,
Go against me and I'll throw you on the street or send you to your mom,
Be smart and intelligent - anything below an A means you're worthless.
The boy took this to his heart, and lived on those very facts of life in humble love for his father, his only lover.
He became the top of his class. He brought his bible to school and preached to the kids. He even typed out strips of bible verses and left it on the desk of one of his classmates, whom he would have loved to be best friends with. Though, yes, he was firm in his beliefs, he did not push anything on anyone. The kids beat him up, robbed him, harassed him, and left him alone of course. I can recall the days that boy would get chased all the way up his apartment, greeted with fists in the morning before school, and even more during and after school. This boy would never defend himself however; his father said it was a sin.
He grew up with a hatred for people and his mother. One day he got sick of the years of torment. So at the start of the sixth grade, he became like everyone else. He sagged his pants, wore baggy clothes, began to curse, and all of that jazz. Well, at least that brought him a few people that were amused by his jokes and humor.
His father married another woman. The woman beat him and cursed at him so much that she gave him nightmares. Literally. That's where his suicide attempts began. Note: This was 3rd grade, some years before he changed. The kids went home and played outside with friends. He came home and would try to with his covers. But he was a child, afraid of death, and he would fall short every time and just cry himself into a headache, then think over his life. He'd think until he fell to sleep.
Back to 6th grade: At this point the woman gave the father problems. He divorced her. The boy had a sister by then, and he had come to forgive his father for letting him be mistreated for so long.
He went on up till the beginning of the 8th grade thinking his problems were over. His father became engaged to another woman. The boy was fed up. He did not say anything against her, but actively avoided his father. His father sensed this and caused him hell for a good amount of months.
"You're a DEVIL! GET OUT OF MY LIFE." "YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ADULT? HUH? YOU'RE A LITTLE BOY AND WILL ALWAYS BE ONE."
He went to court one day and filed to have the boy removed from his possession. Luckily enough, and even I am amazed at the timing, his mother called. The mom came and picked up the boy. She listened to the father's story, and to this day believes the boy was the one who was at fault.
The boy's original sister and himself became friends. His mother was great at first, but they always fought. Always. Even though the boy had found in his heart to try to not believe the things his father said anymore, they still ended up in fights. He grew to love his sister though. Love.
A series of events occurred and the boy found out that his little sister was having . He was struck hard by this. So dam hard. He despised her. He felt as she betrayed him. What if she became pregnant? The boy and his mother and sister would just fall deeper into poverty.
**** that *****.
He was at the up most peak now, right? Nothing bad could happen worse than that right? He hated everyone now. His father, mother, full sister, and the rest of the world. **** those *****s for hating him right?
His uncle comes into the picture. He tells him how much he loves him all the time, and every time he visits. Oh yea. That boy was feeling the love. That was his second father right there.
The boy went to CT over the summer to spend the time working for his uncle in law (who ripped him off out of his money at the end of the summer). His father, oh, I mean uncle, gave him some alcohol, and he got a little tipsy. A little tipsy with his uncle. He just chilled with his uncle while his uncle and his friends told jokes in a different language. Best day of his life. None of the friends really liked the boy though; because of him his uncle have to leave early every night so he could get home.
When the boy went back home, he got into problems with his mom. His uncle found out and eased him through the situation. He felt relieved to have him as his uncle. He woke up one day to overhear his uncle tell his sister that he ended the conflict because it was for his sister, the boy's mother. Dam.
The boy had come back from CT by the way with a turned cheek for his sister. He had just felt that great. They grew close. One day they were playing, and the girl told him that she implied by saying "I know what a high school kid like you thinks about
in his head
The boy was appaled at first, because he thought it was the right thing to do. But the boy had felt feelings for her too. They would wrestle and play together, but the wrestling was way to . It was just . The boy began to go through an inner conflict where he hated himself for all of that. But he still wanted her.
Today he came home to that girl, determined to be a 'man' about
the way he felt, and let things out. He came home to find her . Dam. I don't even know why it changed anything. The boy himself relied on ,whenever he could get some, to blow his pains away. But, he got them from his friends. And the boy has only had once inside his house, but alone. The she was high on was not from him. It was just like before. He can't trust her. He can't trust anyone. Not even himself. Look at how he betrayed his past feelings to play the role of a fool. How could he?
I am that boy. I am that fool. I am that retarded **** ****. Somehow I forgot to mention my dropping grades and status from spectacular to worthless. I'm so lonely. Jesus it hurts me. I would take a . Any day.
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/9/2008 5:50:36 PM (GMT-7)