My Husband is killing me from inside. Need help.........

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 12/10/2008 1:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Everyone,
I'm 25 years old and my husband is 45 years old man. we got married 4  years ago and since then my life got changed completely.He has two boys 12 and 16 , since the first day i got married ...I took care of his kids as their own mother. I also took upon all the responsibility as a mature person.
In the begining of our married life , he use to understand my emotion a little bit. But now he does'nt wont to understand me at all. He becomes very insensitive about my emotions.Even if I try to show the concern about our week relationship and try to talk to him , he get ofended and denies for evevrything  I say.
He was earlier married to someone in my family and so he knew my family very well. Before we got married he confessed somthing which was totoaly insane.He told me that one time before we starting dating when he was married to his ex - wife,  he had sex with my mother and that was just a one night thing and that he loves me very much and wanted to let me know before we get married.After that I was so badly disturb and depreesed but i gave him another chance in life as i saw his honesty in him at that time.
Why I'm mentioning all this is because we had on and off fight with small issue thrughout our 4 years and recently i came to know that he was trying to search for people to have sex and infact found a couple to go for a 3some with them. When I caught him   through the emails ,.......I confronted him and he confessed that he was trying to do that but somthing stopped him. He also promised me that he will never do that again , all his obession with incest stroies / adult websties  will go  away.
Since then I dont have faith or trust in him , and I'm having Anxiety and depression problems.
For ex- Yesterday I had a very hectic day at work , I'm having PMS so I was not okay. when he came to pick me up after work , i wanted to tell him about the issue at work i had to face before leaving the office, but he did'nt take me seriously and wanted to kiss me at tht time , without respecting my emotions and the frustation i was feeling at that time.
Later when we came back home , i went to the bathroom and i tried to cry myself out to get that heavy anxiety feeing off my system. But could'nt do it. when i came out he approached me and asked me to calm down.I told him that I'm very frustrated about him sometimes with not tacking me seriously and that I feel he does'nt respect me also.
when I saw him not understanding what I'm saying , I told him that in my anger that he acts really stupid is behaves like a jerk. He got angry and started abusing me real bad  sick and dirty abuses . I told him i know he is angry and so he is abusing me back.
My abuses are not as dirty or sick like his abuses and then he ususal revenge he reminds me of him and my mother sexually together to get even with me. Also because i still dont have a child with him, he tells me that he is happy that he did'nt give me a child.
 Why I had to bring this long story because it is very difficult to tell my story otherwise.There is still a lot to say but this what i want to say now.
I've tried enough to talk to him about this that he needs to understand that he should not cross his limits and mentain his self respect and dignity for his future as he is losing respect in my eye by taking that dirty without any morals.
he even told me that he will go on adult website again to search for people to have sex with them. I dont know whether his was just saying that for revenge sake in the argument or that he raelly meant it.
I'm really losing hopes with life and him / dont know what to do / Dont have any family & freinds with me to help
I need advice to help my relationship with this man. I still love him but i cant stand his nonsence either.
How can i make him understand ?? How can i make this feeling of aneity and depression go away.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/10/2008 1:42 PM (GMT -6)   

This is the identical post you posted into A & P today........I will answer you there.




Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 12/10/2008 2:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I think its important to remember that you cant MAKE anyone understand something. Have you tried seeing a coucillor together? If there is no trust in the relationship then it can be very difficult to build a relationship up. Its like trying to build a house without laying the foundations. If you want to make the relationship between you and your husband work, I would suggest going back to basics; but first you need to decide whether you truely want the relationship to work.

Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
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Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42608
   Posted 12/10/2008 5:01 PM (GMT -6)   
I think that your husband is very inconsiderate of your feelings. I think that you should get into counseling as you need support right now.

We are here for you but we are not professionals. So the counseling is a must. You really need that support right now.

I hope that things get better for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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