Well, it's me again. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I'm at my wits end. As I've said before, it's been a roller coaster being with my wife. Things came to a head this past Monday when she got upset with me for asking her questions about
something that we had been arguing about
. In a nutshell, she had been lying to me about
what she was doing at night (she was going out to bars with friends and drinking and such) b/c she knows I don't like her to do those things. She never used to do those things before but had started to over the past 2 months (without my knowledge). Well, I found out about
it and things kind of exploded.
She finally said that she had had enough and that it was over. Amazingly, I was actually okay with it. In fact, I felt a sense of relief that I wouldn't have to deal with this stuff anymore. I didn't get emotional at all (was probably supressing it). I actually called our realtor to ask about selling the house and was starting to pack stuff. She was crying but it was hard to tell why. about a 4 hours later, she was sitting there and I was about to leave to pick up my daughter from school. I decided to give her a hug and tell her that even though its ending, I will always love her and be there for her if she needed me. She then hugged me back and started crying. Saying that she loved me and didn't want to get a divorce. She also said things would change and she would break out of this sadness and treat me like a husband should be. We both seemed extremely happy with this and took off to Vegas for a couple of days (her suggestion). Things were great in Vegas during the day, but at night, she felt the sadness creeping up again. We made it through the first night fine and did okay the second night. We then left early on Wed to attend scheduled doctors appointments. In this appointment she was diagnosed as clinically depressed and prescribed Prozac and Xanax (to help her sleep at night). She was also referred to a therapist (she hasn't scheduled it yet). I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (I couldn't sleep due to the stress of the situation or function during the day b/c my mind was going crazy). I was prescribed Xanax and Ambien.
Once we got back home, it seems as if we fell right back into the same pattern. She is once again indifferent to me at home and is more concerned with her happiness/desires. She is going out with her friend for dinner tonight (which she knows causes me anxiety b/c of the lying from before) but she refuses to do anything about it. When I ask her about it, she gets upset with me saying I don't trust her and "here we go again with the questions!". Now I am contemplating leaving her for good this time. I can't survive at this rate. But, I also don't want to make her situation worse by leaving her when she needs me (although she always rejects my attempts to help).
Is this scenario normal? I want to stay and help but it doesn't seem like it will do any good. Please provide your insight/opinion. I love my wife dearly and I don't want to leave her but I'm running out of alternatives. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
Oh, and I'm waiting to take another Xanax for when I get home. Don't want to drive on that...lol