Very much so, thanks. Im REALLY really scared and nervous. Im almost going out of my mind thinking about
it. I am SO sick of doctor and I hate going to them. I just feel like this is going to be another time where I am let down once again. I hate hearing my parents talking because I can see how little they really know about
me and how weak our relationships are. It only makes it worse. All this time I have been led to feel as if its nothing major at all. My mom finds ever way in the world to complain about
her own stuff while disregarding mine, and my dad finds every way in the world to joke about
it. I wish they could both just see how it has affected me. But, its like we are all just living in our own worlds. Similar to this site and me, my dad spends 80% of his time on a website for movie fanatics trading designs for movie covers. He talks to his guy friends from all over the place, similar to the way I talk to all of you. So, see, we all have our escapes!
But, I hate feeling like its nothing. The only thing my parents ever took serious was my little brothers brain tumor. Other than that, I have never seen there compassionate, scared, serious-like side... I was once set on the idea that maybe I had Lyme. Right, so I explained to my parents who thought I was CRAZY. They still dont believe that there are false positives and such... So, today they are talking about
it because a former doctor of mine, her husband works with my dad and the guy told my dad that the doctors thought she had Lyme... so, this sparked this huge thing with my parents. This made me see there ignorance. My dad listened when I said it was possible to be positive and the test be work, my mom was like "well I thought it was lyme at first also...." WHAT???
I wanted to scream! I spent a year on a website for lyme disease and I learned everything about
it and I tried explaining to my parents. I was the one who thought I had it, not her. They were talking about
it as if they didnt have a clue, but I sat quietly knowing all the facts, at which one point in time I explained everything to them,....apparently they never listened.
So, you can see how this whole trip just frustrates me... Doctors will never find anything and people will continue to think Im crazy and not believe that anything is wrong with me. I spoke ot my principal about
carrying a backpack at school...you know what he said when I asked him and told him I had Fibro..."I just dont see how one book can weigh you down..." ARE YOU CRAZY... You obviously havent seen my AP Literature book! He was VERY reluctant about
it...finally he said I could carry on ONLY on bad days, and it has to be mesh and see through....
I hate where I live. I love the country and everything, but I ABSOLUTELY hate the conservatism... So, I cried. They just dont understand. Only you guys understand....ya know... Im tired of going through all this, its not worth it...
Lyrica and Paxil (both working quite well might I add!)
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."