new member depressed with marriage

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/29/2008 9:09 PM (GMT -6)   
HI everyone well first of all let me say i suck at spelling so forgive me and also i am not here to bash my wife.  i know i have my faults also.   well it all started 2 years ago.  we had our monthly sunday night fight and i brought up since i was the onlyone working (50-60) hours a week then come home do the dishes and laundry plus fold and all yard work that i am getting burned out.  all i asked was romance twice a week.  well she said she takes care of the kids 13 and 8 and i come home to a home cooked meal every night.  that is true the kids are taken care of and i do get a good dinner but i have other needs.   so finally said agreed.  a month goes by and no romance.  i asked her why and she said she just said that to shut me up for awhile.   yes she did say that.  well lets say in the last 2 years we had romace 4 times.   i have tried everything from rose peddles in a tub for her to candle light in the room. nothing works.  last thing i want to do is cheat but i am at a dead end street.   i been so depressed that some things lets say are not working. all i want to do is sleep  i have no urge to really eat anymore.  i am just like a bowl of jelly when i get home.   its not fair to the kids because i am alittle kid at heart.    does anyone have any advice

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42500
   Posted 12/29/2008 9:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Minime,

Is your wife depressed? It sounds like she could be. ARe either one of you in counseling? I think that it would help.

I am sorry that you are having these difficulties in your marraige, and I hope that you stay faithful to her.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/29/2008 10:05 PM (GMT -6)   
no neither one of us is.   i told her last time we had our sunday talks i am depressed and she says she doens't know why things are great. 

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 1/1/2009 8:30 PM (GMT -6)   
You need to 'date' your wife again! Bring her home flowers, make her feel special and loved.. Trust me, she is NOT going to have sex with you if you demand it from her!

Each of you need to really listen to one another. Put yourself in her shoes, just like she has to put herself in your shoes. You love her, she's the mother of your children - You married because ?? Why not list the reasons why you married and what you love on her. Instead of looking at the negatives, look at the positives.

Get a babysitter or take the kids to their grandparents house for a weekend so you two can go out to dinner, spend time alone. Couples NEED to have that alone time as husband and wife, friends - Not just live day in and day out routines. Work, home, dinner, cleaning up, dealing with the kids, then sleep.

Hope this helps.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 1/1/2009 8:49 PM (GMT -6)   
As Red said, Get a babysitter. I picked smurfyshadow as a nic cuz my nickname from mother is Smurfette (hey I"m the only blonde out of 6 kids go figure lol) and Shadow cuz I am mischief in the shadows.

First get a babysitter.
Get some friend of your wife's in on it and get her out of the house.
Take kids to babysitter.
Make reservations at WIFES favorite restraunt
Go home to Roses and chocolate, nice fire in the fireplace. Things she likes.
Have massage oils and give her a massage.
Oh, dont forget to clean the house. (Us women love coming home to a clean house with a meal cooked!)
If you dont get lucky...your doomed, and then you gotta play the communication card. get to bottom of why she doesnt want to please her husband, the one she loves. It could be something like depression, or sex hurts for her, or a gyn problem, or well lets hope its in those catagories and not cheating.
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