CAUTION: emotional post about
a family loss, I dont want to upset anyone or bring back memories for any of you...if you know what I mean... I dont want to upset anyone, but I need to vent. So I just wanted to caution people against reading this...
Umm...I REALLY need to vent. A few of you know the story about
my Grandma..she passed away 3 1/2 years ago.. from cancer/some other things..
But, Im suffering from grief to the maximum level. I know most of you have experienced a death in the family/friend...so you probably understand. But, she was my best friend, my favorite person, the only one who understood me, the only one I
opened up too, she was my Grandma.
The problem is that I've been grieving for SO long. Thats normal, but everytime I hear, see, smell, etc. anything and I think of her I start to bawl. I will cry harder than ever. The thing is, I spent the last 2 weeks of her life at her side. I was only 13. It didnt click that I would NEVER see her again. I didnt talk to her much those 2 weeks because she and I talked privately, and my dad was always around.
So, thats probably normal to feel....but I still remember EVERY detail of those 2 weeks. I can describe the rooms, what we were doing, where we were, the looks on peoples faces...I remember the days. I remember what I drew on the board in her room, what I was watching on tv, the shoes I was wearing, what she ate...EVERYTHING. I remember everything
What do I do? All I can do is cry....I have to wonder about
it. What I wish I had said. Blaming myself. Hating myself for not being more mature. For not doing this or that....
Any advice other than the usual? I dont know what to do, I know grief is normal, but this isnt normal....
Sorry if I brought back your own memories, I only needed to vent because I cant stop crying.... eventually I will fall asleep with swollen eyes...
Lyrica and Paxil (both working quite well might I add!)
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."