family sister, myself, her son and the rest of the family

Being obsessive in problems I can solve??
Only because I love so much - 0.0%
I am over protective - 100.0%
I don't know when to stop protecting - 0.0%
I don't know WHO to be portecting - 0.0%
I shouldn't be concerned - 0.0%
I am unhelpable - 0.0%

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/3/2009 1:35 PM (GMT -6)   
eyes  I have a major problem, no funds to seek outside help professionally or otherwise....looking everywhere for something......
1st.  My sister has Issiues.
   A.  She is a Dwarf
   B.  She is my half sister, 6.5 years younger
   C.  She has made some distressing and family disturbing decisions in her life that effects everyone
   D.  She is clueless as to what she has done to get the reactions from family as she does
   E.  Strong personality
   F.  Believes her way or the highway.  Does not try to understand other peoples viewpoints.  If it differes from hers, she doesn't get it.
   G.  She has literally destroyed friendships, potential friendships, family relationships.
   H.  She has begged forgiveness, only to get it from everyone and yet to repeat offenses.
   I.  Raised an only child, making that child her life. Putting him first even before her husband at times.  He is not a dwarf.
   J.  Has broken society law and familial laws.
   K.  Raised her son in a free to do as he please and yet when he became an adult, demanded respect and has blown her entire relationship on his coming of age and not respecting his parents and having a mind of his own and making his own decisions, right or wrong.
2n.  Me
  A. Oldest of we two girls
  B. Parents divorced after I left home at 19 to marry leaving my sister at 13 to go from there and have our parents divorce after 20 years of marriage at which she claims destroyed her life from that point on and reason for her mistakes from that point on...she was 18 and she is now 53....still lays blame.
  C. Raised shelterd and afraid to disappoint my mother and father all my life, so I was  a Miss Good Two Shoes.....went from my home to making my own home at 19 until 50 at which I divorced after 35+ years, growing apart and finally solidifiying the fact that my own sister slept with my husband some 20+ years prior and knowing this, just turning a blinds eye.....
  D. Started life over at 50 and dated and was in a 2 year relationship before marrying my present husband of 3 years.
  E.  Trying to maintain a relationship with my mother, my sister, my children, my grand children, my nephew.......while working day to day after being a stay at home Mom for 30 years!
  F.  Having Depression, either Fibro or Lupus, or something to live with each and every day.....
Problem:  My sister and I are like Oil and Water, or have become so.  She had surgery 4 years ago now for her back and since then, her demise......Do to her latest decision, we were not talking.  Her choice.  She, prior to the surgery had renigged on a loan that my mother had co-signed for her and was upest and mad at my mother and I (being I agreed that Mom had done the right thing) and wasn't talking.  My mother had decided when the bank was harrassing her about the unpaid car loan that she would have to go to my sister's to bring the car back (take it from her) and to try to sell it and pay off the bank for which she did.  My sister then chose that particular time to decide that wasn't what a mother should do and went silent.  After this even and while we all were not talking, my sister also did yet another unthinkable thing......she stole my mothers identity and racked up 11,000.00 on a credit card.  All this came to light sometime after the car incident and her surgery.  After all this......I being who I am....made the attempt in reaching my sister via e-mail.  She responded and we then struck up a relationship and she even came to the notion of visiting us in Texas.  She lives in Idaho and this would be the first time of seeing each other for quite some time.....maybe 7 years or so, since her son's graduation.  She came to visit at the end of April and stayed a couple weeks, during this time, she apologized to my mother, she assured everyone that she had changed and all was well.  She left and went home and all was as well as it is with my sister and I....we continued to email and stay up with our new developed relationship and her son became her problem.  She had a confrontation with him at a Christmas visit with his future bride with him and from that point on, they have continued to decline to the point of her not even being invited to her only childs wedding.
We have since been growing apart once again and it has all started with her son and his decisions in life that involve her.  I will let this sink in and marinate before I go on and really to see if anyone would want to help me or be of any interest in helping me through this.  I am coming to a point of this all affecting my health as I do not know how to cope with all that is dealt me.  Being the oldest sibling, both my parents and my sister have ALWAYS made me the go between in every incident that involves family.  Here I am once more in that position.  PLEASE , SOME HELP ME by taking an interest and listening adn helping me come to some answers on how to either resolve it or live with it and/or the concequences.....PLEASE. shakehead

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42499
   Posted 1/3/2009 2:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bigsister,

Wow, there is a lot of information to sink in. I don't know where to start. All I can say is take life one day at a time. Try not to get involved or put into the middle of things between your mom and your sister. But at the same time, maybe kind of make sure your mom isn't being used by her. Though she should learn by now.

I know that this is stressful for you. The stress will only make your fibro/lupus worse. You will be in much more pain and discomfort. I think that you should look after you. Make you the top priority. Then if there is any energy left, do what you feel that you can do. But this isn't your responsibility. don't feel guilty for any of it. You have not done anything wrong.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/3/2009 10:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bigsister,

Welcome to HealingWell. That was a lot to follow and wow, your family did have a lot of problems.
I lost it where you and your sister got close after she embezzled $12,000.00 from your Mother.  It sounds to me like everyone is in everyone else's busines. a lot of money is involved with car loans etc.
I have no advice as this has been going on for many years, 35 plus years.
I think the best for you is to seek therapy and let the others take care of themselves.  Your life is a drama right now and it may be all you have ever known.  IMHO you would best benefit from a  professional. If you are feeling depressed over all of this then you may be surprised to find out how helpful a profesional will be.
Take care and sorry I am not a professional so I would not try to work out all the issues I see.   I would be doing you a great injustice.
PS, I did not vote as the choices do not fit your scenario. That is just my 2 cents for what it is worth.

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 1/4/2009 2:22 PM (GMT -6)   

Big Sister, You have presented a lot of information and as Kitt said this is hard to follow.  If you are concerned for your health I feel you should distance yourself from all these family issues.  You can be supportive emotionally for your Mom but I would just stay away from your sister.  She has done nothing but cause trouble.  If your mother chose, she could prosecute your sister for stealing her identity.  I think it would help if you got some counseling and I also think you need to see your dr. to get a diagnosis of your health problems.  Sometimes families just don't work well and this sister sounds like a thorn in everyone's side. Where does your Mom live, near you or your sister?  If she is not near your sister then I think she should distance herself as well and not have contact with her. I don't see this situation turning around or getting any better. So the best advice I have is take care of yourself and your husband. It is time for your sister to grow up and take care of herself.


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