Posted 1/4/2009 1:33 AM (GMT -6)
This is my first post to this forum. Here is a little background first. I am a 36 yr old female, married and mom to 2 kids (9 and 6). I have a great family. A supportive husband. I have been off and on anti depressants over the years, mainly because I have felt irritable and cranky for no reason. I have taken Prozac, Lexapro and Zoloft. I think of the 3, I did the best on Lexapro but I did gain quite a bit of weight. I not currently taking anything.
November was a very stressful month. I was sick, kids were sick, husband was in car accident. Thankfully he was not seriously injured, but after having a CAT scan in the ER a brain tumor was found (benign). I did not take the news well at all, even though it was not the worst news one can get. The thought he might need to have surgery and then the thought I could lose him is almost too much to bear.
Since then I have had a hard time dealing with life. On the outside I appear *somewhat* okay. But I am struggling. This is hard to admit, but I tend to think the worst about everything. I worry about things that are out of my control (dying and leaving my kids motherless, losing a loved one, etc ...).
I have not been feeling all that well the last month or so. The only way I can explain it is I feel like I am getting sick, but nothing ever progresses. I have this dizzy feeling in my head. Not the room spinning dizzy, just an odd fuzzy/dizzy feeling. Some days my body feels achy. My lower back has been bothering me ... very stiff and uncomfortable. I have actually had the back thing for a long time, but lately it is worse. I have been dealing with this ache in my knee/lower leg that comes and goes (since June). I also (geesh the list seems endless) have nausea more than I care to deal with. I have been diagnosed with IBS.
I am terrified to go to the dr. (even though in summer of 2007 I had a sonogram of my abdomen, colonoscopy, endoscopy and blood work, all of which can back fine) I keep thinking they will find something that I won't want to hear. My husband thinks I am suffering from depression, yet I question that. Can others see what I cannot? I don't feel overly sad. I do feel down, but I just thought it was from my not feeling well.
So, I turn to you all for help. I guess I just wanted to run this by others who have been there. Are my symptoms a result of depression? Am I depressed and in denial? Please give me your thoughts.