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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 1/6/2009 12:49 AM (GMT -6)   
I honestly am scaring myself.
I find myself so unbearably upset all the time, i have never been this depressed.
im on winter break at school, so i thought maybe my parents would gimme a break and let me go out with some friends one night. I NEVER go out and during the shoool yeah im too busy to do anything but school. so tonight my parents freaked out because i came home at 11pm. im 20 years old....
I feel like everyones against me, i cant beat this feeling cause im just so depressed. i have these suicidal thoughts cause i just truly dont want to live anymore i cant stand the way i feel 24/7. I don't want to get locked away, and i dont want anyone to panic. I really feel like Im not going to do anything to myself, I just have these thoughts because im so angry and upset, i just need to release my anger somehow and i dont know how. I screwed up all my friendships because everytime i go out people are like "why are you so emo"??
so i dont konw.i just dont know anymore...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 1/6/2009 3:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Heej Taryn,

You are not alone. Never. Everyone here on the forum is with you, and you might not believe me, but I think a lot of people in your neighbourhood are too. Taryn, you say you don't want to feel the way you feel now any more. Maybe you can use that thought to provoke change. At the moment, the world is changing, and now is the time for you to change as well.

Are there things you used to enjoy, no matter how young you were? Please write them all down for yourself, and maybe you will find something that still make you laugh, or just put a tiny little smile on your face. Try to look for the good things as well. I don't say you should ignore the bad, but seeing only the bad isn't helping, and it isn't real. Joy can be found in so many places, like a winters sun on your face, a little kid cycling down the street, the first flowers popping up.

We are here for you to talk and support, so "use" us whenever you feel like it :-)!

Shine on ya crazy diamond!
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/6/2009 9:24 AM (GMT -6)   

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))).  You are never alone, you always have HealingWell to come to and talk and vent and find people who undesrstand where your coming from and what your going through.
I think it is reasonable to discuss with your parents your spending some time with your friends.  I am not sure of your age so perhaps it is the hours they object to and not the spending time with your friends. If you are under 18 they may have a curfew they have decided on.  I just do not know the whole situation.
I would like you to talk to your Mom about  your feelings and get you in to see your Doctor if you are this depressed and having thoughts of harming yourself.
Please rememeberyou are not alone.
Gentle hugs

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42531
   Posted 1/6/2009 10:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Taryn,

I think that as long as you are doing your school work, you should be able to visit with friends until midnight if you want to. For sakes you are 20 years old. But I know how it is living under your parent's roof.

As always remember that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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